Why Does It Have to Be Such a Battle?

Not too long ago my son was involved in something at church that at the time seemed to some to be nothing but silly kids playing around. Well, my son who seeks attention liked what he got and went for more - posting the pictures on his myspace and then adding captions. At this point - I still thought it was just a couple of kids having fun. And if you really want to know the truth - I was glad he was not standing alone somewhere hiding behind his hair. Mind you I did think it was a bizarre way of having fun - but and well I can't speak for the other kids - but my son does very little of what "normal" kids do.

Let me explain. We are Christian Homeschoolers. He does not go to public school, he attends classes at a private christian university and has in the past taken classes at the local community college. His homeschool academy (who does all of our record keeping) meets twice a month for enrichment courses and does not have a football team or cheerleaders. So, no Friday night at the football game or pep rallys. He did play on a football team for another private school but for very different reasons - didn't quite complete either season.

He does not go out on Friday night cruising... He does not go out with anyone that I haven't approved. He spends the nights at peoples houses of whom I know the parents and we share the same opinions of what our kids are allowed to do - and all the kids know that we the parents will be talking later to go over the nights activities.

Right now - some people are reading this and getting ready to send me nasty comments. Oh well... just wait = it gets better - or worse is it??

With all of this careful watch - I wish I could say that I know where he is 24/7 or know what he is doing all the time - but I don't. Within the structure - he is allowed freedom. And unfortunately every time I extend that freedom - he has gone down a path that has brought him pain....

Maybe at this point I should hit delete... naw - I'll keep going... I know some people who read this will actually pray about it... and I could really use those.

With all that said - back to the activities he posted on myspace. Like I said, I did think it was bizarre behaviour but.... I too saw all the other people laughing and encouraging the act. So, I had no reason to stop it. I also know that my son has a wild imagination.... and since the one thing that he is contemplating of doing for a career is song writing - the last thing I really want to do is to squash any imagination that is being stirred up in him. (hence the reason I added my own caption to one of the pictures)

Well... I wish the story could stop there. But - really that is only the beginning. After the pictures were posted - it seems that then is when it really hit the proverbial fan. My husband, myself and my son were called into a meeting with the pastors to go over the event... and to see if there was a link to the pictures and to the type of music he listens to. On the spot - my son answered yes - that all of the music he listens to is angry and loaded with violence. (God help him if he is ever put in a police interrogation room - who knows what he would confess to.) What he did not say is that he also listens to quite a bit of Christian, classical and whatever "The Devil Went Down to Georgia Is" is (calling it just country would not be accurate). But his taste in music is very wide and no, I don't know every song or band that he listens to. He must have over 1000 songs on his IPod.

Before this meeting, I went to the alters of our church for prayer. Everytime I began to pray a loud static filled my head. I tried and tried but everytime - the loud static. I didn't understand and actually walked away asking God where are you because all I feel is an empty building and no presence of you.

In the meeting, after much discussion the pastor then said to him - that if this is what is filling up your mind (angry, violent music) then your head is so full of that noise - you can't hear from God. That shook me. God, is that what you were trying to tell me??? Hmmm.... OK - I'm listening.

It was suggested that he give up the angry rock music. He of course does not understand that at all. I then asked him to go on a 30 day fast just to see if he feels any different at the end. He stood firm that there is nothing wrong with his music. I suggested that maybe with this much protest that there might even be an addiction - guess how he took that one. But I then said, addicts don't usually know they are addicts until after they are off of whatever it is and then can look back on the situation.

Well, there was a lot more talk from me and lot more protest from him. But then he finally said he would do it. A 30 day fast. Yeah! - I felt like a victory had been made and was very happy to report back to the pastors (and to the women of our Bible Study group) that is what he was going to do.

So, yesterday morning.... he is getting ready to go to school and the music comes on his bedroom. I ask - "ummmm.... did you forget"??

"Forget what"???

Sigh... "forget your committment"???

"I never said I would do that".

(My jaw hurts.) "Yes, you did son".

"Well, I never said WHEN".

In his Foundations of American Thought class he is writing a paper regarding the hardening of Pharoahs heart. I mentioned to him that I thought that it was interesting that he was writing the paper while all the while he was doing the same. His quick response was, "Maybe God is doing it." To which I replied - whatever the case, be careful of the outcome.

So, that is where we are today. He leaves for Texas tomorrow. To a home that does not have a plaque over the door that says "As for me and my house we will serve The Lord." No, they have gargoyles and other lovely things.... a house where this music is encouraged. A home where I am thought of to be basically a nut case, too controlling and all authority I have is undermined. (to make it worse - my son knows that and plays it up) Anyway, his home in Texas is a place where there is no encouragement of anything wholesome - let alone talk of God.

He will be there for 2 weeks. Right through Palm Sunday, Good Friday and Easter Sunday. Right through the very time in our year that we pay the most attention to what Our Lord in His outpouring of love did for us on the cross.

My soul is not ok with this. As Christians we are not supposed to have have fear. But that is so much easier said than done.