Was sent this video... I don't know how to put it here directly.... but here's the link...
Take the time to check it out... so very cool...
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Easter...
Was just reading one of the blogs I follow... Refuge Farms
It is a farm much like the one I want to have...
On her site - she has the following:
“I will seek the lost, and I will bring back the strayed, and I will bind up the crippled, and I will strengthen the weak… I will watch over. I will feed them in justice.” Ezekiel 34:16
Her last blog was about Easter - and what it meant to her and on her farm... Enjoy...
It is a farm much like the one I want to have...
On her site - she has the following:
“I will seek the lost, and I will bring back the strayed, and I will bind up the crippled, and I will strengthen the weak… I will watch over. I will feed them in justice.” Ezekiel 34:16
Her last blog was about Easter - and what it meant to her and on her farm... Enjoy...
The voices in my head...
Lots has been happening ... but much of it I can't really put into words. I just know that my thoughts are often muddled... and I seem to have a lot of voices in my head. NO, I am not actually hearing voices - but well, maybe you understand - I don't know if I can really explain it.
All I know is I want to be sure I am listening to the right One...
All I know is I want to be sure I am listening to the right One...
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Of all the comments....
Thanks to all of my friends for the support that I received.... but I must say of all the comments I heard tonight ... my favorite was from a kid in youth. He came up to me and said "what ever you do - don't back down on Chris. Keep tough on him. Like tonight when you kept telling me to be quiet - I would have been a lot louder if you had not told me to be quiet. That's what my mom did - she got soft on me and I got into drugs and all sorts of things. So, I just want to tell you - when you think you need to be softer - that's probably when you need to be tougher."
Amazing... that is what our youth are..... simply amazing.
Amazing... that is what our youth are..... simply amazing.
Monday, March 17, 2008
Is it really???
Christopher left at 6:30 am Sat morning to go to Texas. This is what we found on our lawn when we left at 4:45am... would have been funny if Christopher had been here to clean it up. But since we had to leave so early - I was left with the mess and a very angry landlord.
At the airport I took the only chance we had to talk - while waiting in the line to wait in line to go into the security checkpoint. I told him that I don't want this music issue to be a wedge in our relationship. His response, "Too Late".
Please Lord tell me that it's not really... that I haven't lost my son over this.
Friday, March 14, 2008
Why Does It Have to Be Such a Battle?
Not too long ago my son was involved in something at church that at the time seemed to some to be nothing but silly kids playing around. Well, my son who seeks attention liked what he got and went for more - posting the pictures on his myspace and then adding captions. At this point - I still thought it was just a couple of kids having fun. And if you really want to know the truth - I was glad he was not standing alone somewhere hiding behind his hair. Mind you I did think it was a bizarre way of having fun - but and well I can't speak for the other kids - but my son does very little of what "normal" kids do.
Let me explain. We are Christian Homeschoolers. He does not go to public school, he attends classes at a private christian university and has in the past taken classes at the local community college. His homeschool academy (who does all of our record keeping) meets twice a month for enrichment courses and does not have a football team or cheerleaders. So, no Friday night at the football game or pep rallys. He did play on a football team for another private school but for very different reasons - didn't quite complete either season.
He does not go out on Friday night cruising... He does not go out with anyone that I haven't approved. He spends the nights at peoples houses of whom I know the parents and we share the same opinions of what our kids are allowed to do - and all the kids know that we the parents will be talking later to go over the nights activities.
Right now - some people are reading this and getting ready to send me nasty comments. Oh well... just wait = it gets better - or worse is it??
With all of this careful watch - I wish I could say that I know where he is 24/7 or know what he is doing all the time - but I don't. Within the structure - he is allowed freedom. And unfortunately every time I extend that freedom - he has gone down a path that has brought him pain....
Maybe at this point I should hit delete... naw - I'll keep going... I know some people who read this will actually pray about it... and I could really use those.
With all that said - back to the activities he posted on myspace. Like I said, I did think it was bizarre behaviour but.... I too saw all the other people laughing and encouraging the act. So, I had no reason to stop it. I also know that my son has a wild imagination.... and since the one thing that he is contemplating of doing for a career is song writing - the last thing I really want to do is to squash any imagination that is being stirred up in him. (hence the reason I added my own caption to one of the pictures)
Well... I wish the story could stop there. But - really that is only the beginning. After the pictures were posted - it seems that then is when it really hit the proverbial fan. My husband, myself and my son were called into a meeting with the pastors to go over the event... and to see if there was a link to the pictures and to the type of music he listens to. On the spot - my son answered yes - that all of the music he listens to is angry and loaded with violence. (God help him if he is ever put in a police interrogation room - who knows what he would confess to.) What he did not say is that he also listens to quite a bit of Christian, classical and whatever "The Devil Went Down to Georgia Is" is (calling it just country would not be accurate). But his taste in music is very wide and no, I don't know every song or band that he listens to. He must have over 1000 songs on his IPod.
Before this meeting, I went to the alters of our church for prayer. Everytime I began to pray a loud static filled my head. I tried and tried but everytime - the loud static. I didn't understand and actually walked away asking God where are you because all I feel is an empty building and no presence of you.
In the meeting, after much discussion the pastor then said to him - that if this is what is filling up your mind (angry, violent music) then your head is so full of that noise - you can't hear from God. That shook me. God, is that what you were trying to tell me??? Hmmm.... OK - I'm listening.
It was suggested that he give up the angry rock music. He of course does not understand that at all. I then asked him to go on a 30 day fast just to see if he feels any different at the end. He stood firm that there is nothing wrong with his music. I suggested that maybe with this much protest that there might even be an addiction - guess how he took that one. But I then said, addicts don't usually know they are addicts until after they are off of whatever it is and then can look back on the situation.
Well, there was a lot more talk from me and lot more protest from him. But then he finally said he would do it. A 30 day fast. Yeah! - I felt like a victory had been made and was very happy to report back to the pastors (and to the women of our Bible Study group) that is what he was going to do.
So, yesterday morning.... he is getting ready to go to school and the music comes on his bedroom. I ask - "ummmm.... did you forget"??
"Forget what"???
Sigh... "forget your committment"???
"I never said I would do that".
(My jaw hurts.) "Yes, you did son".
"Well, I never said WHEN".
In his Foundations of American Thought class he is writing a paper regarding the hardening of Pharoahs heart. I mentioned to him that I thought that it was interesting that he was writing the paper while all the while he was doing the same. His quick response was, "Maybe God is doing it." To which I replied - whatever the case, be careful of the outcome.
So, that is where we are today. He leaves for Texas tomorrow. To a home that does not have a plaque over the door that says "As for me and my house we will serve The Lord." No, they have gargoyles and other lovely things.... a house where this music is encouraged. A home where I am thought of to be basically a nut case, too controlling and all authority I have is undermined. (to make it worse - my son knows that and plays it up) Anyway, his home in Texas is a place where there is no encouragement of anything wholesome - let alone talk of God.
He will be there for 2 weeks. Right through Palm Sunday, Good Friday and Easter Sunday. Right through the very time in our year that we pay the most attention to what Our Lord in His outpouring of love did for us on the cross.
My soul is not ok with this. As Christians we are not supposed to have have fear. But that is so much easier said than done.
Let me explain. We are Christian Homeschoolers. He does not go to public school, he attends classes at a private christian university and has in the past taken classes at the local community college. His homeschool academy (who does all of our record keeping) meets twice a month for enrichment courses and does not have a football team or cheerleaders. So, no Friday night at the football game or pep rallys. He did play on a football team for another private school but for very different reasons - didn't quite complete either season.
He does not go out on Friday night cruising... He does not go out with anyone that I haven't approved. He spends the nights at peoples houses of whom I know the parents and we share the same opinions of what our kids are allowed to do - and all the kids know that we the parents will be talking later to go over the nights activities.
Right now - some people are reading this and getting ready to send me nasty comments. Oh well... just wait = it gets better - or worse is it??
With all of this careful watch - I wish I could say that I know where he is 24/7 or know what he is doing all the time - but I don't. Within the structure - he is allowed freedom. And unfortunately every time I extend that freedom - he has gone down a path that has brought him pain....
Maybe at this point I should hit delete... naw - I'll keep going... I know some people who read this will actually pray about it... and I could really use those.
With all that said - back to the activities he posted on myspace. Like I said, I did think it was bizarre behaviour but.... I too saw all the other people laughing and encouraging the act. So, I had no reason to stop it. I also know that my son has a wild imagination.... and since the one thing that he is contemplating of doing for a career is song writing - the last thing I really want to do is to squash any imagination that is being stirred up in him. (hence the reason I added my own caption to one of the pictures)
Well... I wish the story could stop there. But - really that is only the beginning. After the pictures were posted - it seems that then is when it really hit the proverbial fan. My husband, myself and my son were called into a meeting with the pastors to go over the event... and to see if there was a link to the pictures and to the type of music he listens to. On the spot - my son answered yes - that all of the music he listens to is angry and loaded with violence. (God help him if he is ever put in a police interrogation room - who knows what he would confess to.) What he did not say is that he also listens to quite a bit of Christian, classical and whatever "The Devil Went Down to Georgia Is" is (calling it just country would not be accurate). But his taste in music is very wide and no, I don't know every song or band that he listens to. He must have over 1000 songs on his IPod.
Before this meeting, I went to the alters of our church for prayer. Everytime I began to pray a loud static filled my head. I tried and tried but everytime - the loud static. I didn't understand and actually walked away asking God where are you because all I feel is an empty building and no presence of you.
In the meeting, after much discussion the pastor then said to him - that if this is what is filling up your mind (angry, violent music) then your head is so full of that noise - you can't hear from God. That shook me. God, is that what you were trying to tell me??? Hmmm.... OK - I'm listening.
It was suggested that he give up the angry rock music. He of course does not understand that at all. I then asked him to go on a 30 day fast just to see if he feels any different at the end. He stood firm that there is nothing wrong with his music. I suggested that maybe with this much protest that there might even be an addiction - guess how he took that one. But I then said, addicts don't usually know they are addicts until after they are off of whatever it is and then can look back on the situation.
Well, there was a lot more talk from me and lot more protest from him. But then he finally said he would do it. A 30 day fast. Yeah! - I felt like a victory had been made and was very happy to report back to the pastors (and to the women of our Bible Study group) that is what he was going to do.
So, yesterday morning.... he is getting ready to go to school and the music comes on his bedroom. I ask - "ummmm.... did you forget"??
"Forget what"???
Sigh... "forget your committment"???
"I never said I would do that".
(My jaw hurts.) "Yes, you did son".
"Well, I never said WHEN".
In his Foundations of American Thought class he is writing a paper regarding the hardening of Pharoahs heart. I mentioned to him that I thought that it was interesting that he was writing the paper while all the while he was doing the same. His quick response was, "Maybe God is doing it." To which I replied - whatever the case, be careful of the outcome.
So, that is where we are today. He leaves for Texas tomorrow. To a home that does not have a plaque over the door that says "As for me and my house we will serve The Lord." No, they have gargoyles and other lovely things.... a house where this music is encouraged. A home where I am thought of to be basically a nut case, too controlling and all authority I have is undermined. (to make it worse - my son knows that and plays it up) Anyway, his home in Texas is a place where there is no encouragement of anything wholesome - let alone talk of God.
He will be there for 2 weeks. Right through Palm Sunday, Good Friday and Easter Sunday. Right through the very time in our year that we pay the most attention to what Our Lord in His outpouring of love did for us on the cross.
My soul is not ok with this. As Christians we are not supposed to have have fear. But that is so much easier said than done.
Monday, March 10, 2008
Desires of Your Heart....
My oldest son will be graduating high school soon. The first question asked when someone is graduating is, "What will you do afterward?" My son really has no idea. But what I have been telling him over and over is follow the desires of his heart. They were put there by our loving God and direct our paths as to how we can be best used to glorify Him.
I have also been reading the most awesome blog (I have mentioned it several times) .. but it is the almost daily description of a woman and her life with her horses. From her blog I have followed other blogs and links and watched other women interacting with their incredible horses.
Both of these activities have gotten me to thinking ... shouldn't I be following the same advise I have been giving my son?
So, I sat with that for a while and asked God to reveal to me what it is I can do with this desire. And it came to me... I know we serve a God of second chances and I want to be able to have a place that offers that to horses ... and to people. Somewhere people who are hurting can come and be "ministered to" by the unconditional love that these animals offer. And somewhere horses that are thought of by other people to be of no good use anymore... a final home and a place to show that they are not only useful but needed and loved. (much like this place)
It will be nonprofit ... so I hope that someone offers grants to finance it all....
The perfect land will have a lake on it ... so that my husband can fish and teach others the same. It will have a house that is not in perfect condition - but one that has potential and that John and I can work on to make our own. It will have at least 5 acres of land and a barn close to the house - if not somehow attached (right Victoria?) It will be in a state in the midwest ... somewhere between Texas (mine and my son's family) and Vegas (my husbands' son)... OH - and John doesn't really like the rain but he's ok with a little snow.
I know ... sounds like a tall order. But I know that nothing is too big for My God... and if he starts a good work - He will be faithful to see it to completion!!!
I have also been reading the most awesome blog (I have mentioned it several times) .. but it is the almost daily description of a woman and her life with her horses. From her blog I have followed other blogs and links and watched other women interacting with their incredible horses.
Both of these activities have gotten me to thinking ... shouldn't I be following the same advise I have been giving my son?
So, I sat with that for a while and asked God to reveal to me what it is I can do with this desire. And it came to me... I know we serve a God of second chances and I want to be able to have a place that offers that to horses ... and to people. Somewhere people who are hurting can come and be "ministered to" by the unconditional love that these animals offer. And somewhere horses that are thought of by other people to be of no good use anymore... a final home and a place to show that they are not only useful but needed and loved. (much like this place)
It will be nonprofit ... so I hope that someone offers grants to finance it all....
The perfect land will have a lake on it ... so that my husband can fish and teach others the same. It will have a house that is not in perfect condition - but one that has potential and that John and I can work on to make our own. It will have at least 5 acres of land and a barn close to the house - if not somehow attached (right Victoria?) It will be in a state in the midwest ... somewhere between Texas (mine and my son's family) and Vegas (my husbands' son)... OH - and John doesn't really like the rain but he's ok with a little snow.
I know ... sounds like a tall order. But I know that nothing is too big for My God... and if he starts a good work - He will be faithful to see it to completion!!!
Thursday, March 6, 2008
Mom Update
Yesterday all day I was frantic trying to get my stuff done to be able to be at the hospital with my mom for her MRI. As I explained yesterday she is afraid to be in the machine. But yesterday God was perfect as usual in His timing. I arrived at the hospital and then 15 min later they said they were coming for the MRI. So I was able to be with her throughout the whole thing. She did panic a little but made it through. I watched the technician do her job and the 3D pictures of my moms organs on the screen and all the time talked myself out of this blob or that blob being anything bad.
I know that people in that position are not supposed to tell you anything about what they see. So I asked a more general question. I asked if gall stones will show up on these test. And she pointed to a very large blob that I had been watching and said I don't know what that is but it's in the gallbladder. So, once again I rested that this is all a gallbladder issue.
I left the hospital but not before I made it very clear that I did not want the doctor to give my mom any news without me being there.
I had more work to do today. So once again I was hurrying along to get stuff done and out of my office. I did stop to have lunch with John. It's amazing how he has become such a grounding point for me over the last year. Then off to the hospital. No sooner did I sit down - the doctor came in. A different doctor... a female but I don't remember her name. She explained very clearly that she was going home but that this did not mean that they are dismissing anything. They are still very worried about her pancreas. Mom is going to have a special test next week (again I don't remember the name - it was a bunch of letters). Basically they will be putting a scope down her throat and into the pancreas so they can look at what is going on.
They are looking to see what is causing the inflammation and the blockage to the pancreas. If it is a stone they will remove it, if it is sludge they will clean it out, and if it is something else - they will biopsy it.
The doctor also went over the meds my mom is taking and added a few others. She also told her that she will be authorizing an appt for a urologist to see why she is having so many UTIs.
She then left the room and I had forgotten to ask if she will be having her gallbladder removed so I hunted the doctor down. I found her reading the MRI report and she said that yes, she does have gallstones and the gallbladder will need to be removed at some time - but it is not on the top of her priority list. I had the doctor alone ... and asked her if there was anything to tell me away from my mom. She said that they still don't know exactly what it is. They are hoping that it is just a gallstone and they can clear it out and all is well - but...
I hate that word.
But, if it is cancer ... it's a very ugly kind.
OK... now I'm a little freaking out.
This weekend is our Annual Women's Retreat. All week I have been contemplating on whether or not I was going. Right now my mom is at home, there is nothing going on with her. Her pain is under control and all she is doing is resting and waiting for the date/time of the test. Well, I say that is all she is doing is resting. I'm sure that there is way more going on in her head.
But something tells me that this is has been timed out so that I can go to the retreat...and prepare to get into battle mode....
I know that people in that position are not supposed to tell you anything about what they see. So I asked a more general question. I asked if gall stones will show up on these test. And she pointed to a very large blob that I had been watching and said I don't know what that is but it's in the gallbladder. So, once again I rested that this is all a gallbladder issue.
I left the hospital but not before I made it very clear that I did not want the doctor to give my mom any news without me being there.
I had more work to do today. So once again I was hurrying along to get stuff done and out of my office. I did stop to have lunch with John. It's amazing how he has become such a grounding point for me over the last year. Then off to the hospital. No sooner did I sit down - the doctor came in. A different doctor... a female but I don't remember her name. She explained very clearly that she was going home but that this did not mean that they are dismissing anything. They are still very worried about her pancreas. Mom is going to have a special test next week (again I don't remember the name - it was a bunch of letters). Basically they will be putting a scope down her throat and into the pancreas so they can look at what is going on.
They are looking to see what is causing the inflammation and the blockage to the pancreas. If it is a stone they will remove it, if it is sludge they will clean it out, and if it is something else - they will biopsy it.
The doctor also went over the meds my mom is taking and added a few others. She also told her that she will be authorizing an appt for a urologist to see why she is having so many UTIs.
She then left the room and I had forgotten to ask if she will be having her gallbladder removed so I hunted the doctor down. I found her reading the MRI report and she said that yes, she does have gallstones and the gallbladder will need to be removed at some time - but it is not on the top of her priority list. I had the doctor alone ... and asked her if there was anything to tell me away from my mom. She said that they still don't know exactly what it is. They are hoping that it is just a gallstone and they can clear it out and all is well - but...
I hate that word.
But, if it is cancer ... it's a very ugly kind.
OK... now I'm a little freaking out.
This weekend is our Annual Women's Retreat. All week I have been contemplating on whether or not I was going. Right now my mom is at home, there is nothing going on with her. Her pain is under control and all she is doing is resting and waiting for the date/time of the test. Well, I say that is all she is doing is resting. I'm sure that there is way more going on in her head.
But something tells me that this is has been timed out so that I can go to the retreat...and prepare to get into battle mode....
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
My Mom
It's not early ... but seems early to me. It's 10am and I have soooo much to get done today and the business meeting is tonight... but there is a really good (or bad - I don't know what fits there) reason that I just want to crawl back into bed.
My mom called me yesterday morning at 4:45. No call at 4:45 in the morning is ever good. She was having severe stomach pains and vomiting all night. She has also had other stomach problems for months and it has just gotten to the point of being unbareable and the time has finally come to find out what is wrong. She has also had 4 UTI (urinary tract infections) in the last 3 months.
We don't have any definite news yet .. but they are looking at 2 things. One - they found gallstones. The second - there is an abnormality that showed up on the cat scan on her pancreas. So they are wanting to rule out cancer. She was admitted but before she went from the ER to her room the doctor that said he will be taking over her case (Dr Tran) came in and was so nonchalant and actually talked about sending her home!! UM... nope. I told him that no, I was not taking her home. And he said well, it looks like your primary care doctor is already working on all of this. And then I told him - yes, but he is taking the slow boat and it might be 4 months before he finds out anything!!! NO - keep her here and find out what is wrong!!! What I really wanted to tell him is that you don't seem like you are interested in finding out what's wrong - please find a doctor that is.
Personally I think it is the gallstones. My sister and an old friend both had gallstones and at least one of the stones and a bunch of sludge (actual word used by both of their doctors) escaped the gallbladder and reached the pancreas and caused all kinds of problems. And they all sound much like what my mom has.
So, until they find out any different or God lets me know for sure that cancer is His plan - I am sticking to the gallstones story.
I know they talked about doing an MRI but I don't know when that will be. But that has to happen before the release early crazy doctors try to send her home. She is clautrophobic and can't have an MRI unless she is asleep.
Well, I really need to get going.
Any and all prayers are appreciated!!!
My mom called me yesterday morning at 4:45. No call at 4:45 in the morning is ever good. She was having severe stomach pains and vomiting all night. She has also had other stomach problems for months and it has just gotten to the point of being unbareable and the time has finally come to find out what is wrong. She has also had 4 UTI (urinary tract infections) in the last 3 months.
We don't have any definite news yet .. but they are looking at 2 things. One - they found gallstones. The second - there is an abnormality that showed up on the cat scan on her pancreas. So they are wanting to rule out cancer. She was admitted but before she went from the ER to her room the doctor that said he will be taking over her case (Dr Tran) came in and was so nonchalant and actually talked about sending her home!! UM... nope. I told him that no, I was not taking her home. And he said well, it looks like your primary care doctor is already working on all of this. And then I told him - yes, but he is taking the slow boat and it might be 4 months before he finds out anything!!! NO - keep her here and find out what is wrong!!! What I really wanted to tell him is that you don't seem like you are interested in finding out what's wrong - please find a doctor that is.
Personally I think it is the gallstones. My sister and an old friend both had gallstones and at least one of the stones and a bunch of sludge (actual word used by both of their doctors) escaped the gallbladder and reached the pancreas and caused all kinds of problems. And they all sound much like what my mom has.
So, until they find out any different or God lets me know for sure that cancer is His plan - I am sticking to the gallstones story.
I know they talked about doing an MRI but I don't know when that will be. But that has to happen before the release early crazy doctors try to send her home. She is clautrophobic and can't have an MRI unless she is asleep.
Well, I really need to get going.
Any and all prayers are appreciated!!!
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