Decisions... Decisions...

Well... where to begin ...

We will start with my good friend Nicky giving me the book - The Bait of Satan. I have been wanting to read the book for a while now ... the title is catchy and I was intrigued to find out just what the bait is. And as God's timing is always perfect - the book was handed over to me just at the right time.... just as I was playing around with the bait... nibbling on the bait... thinking very seriously of biting. But - since I had not read the book or found out what the bait was - I had no idea that that was what I was doing. I was seeking wise counsel... it didn't sound right - but it sounded righteous.

So, I get the book ... and then right on the cover it says what the bait is. Being Offended. Uggghhh. I no longer wanted to read the book. But I have begun... and wouldn't you know it - not one but 2 chapters on the very offense I have been dealing with.

Uggh again!!! Man this meat is tough to chew!!! But I have decided... that no matter how good the bait looks and maybe even tastes - I will not bite. Furthermore, I will prosper where I am planted. Just read this great line today: "Trees endure the hot sun and rainstorms by sending their roots down deeper." It doesn't say they pull up their roots and run... it doesn't cry or weep or moan... or bash another tree down ... or even hide behind another tree.... it simply says it stands in it's place and sends its roots down deeper.

I have been seeking God ... over an over about all of this... and was getting nothing. The book actually talked about that as well - that that most likely means that He wants you to DO nothing. You know nothing is not easy for me to do ... but since I decided to let it go - a huge weight was lifted and joy returned. Really what else could I do? I let my opinion be known... but after that, what really can I do about it? Submission is really a good feeling...
So, there is #1....

#2 - Since someone in Texas will soon be receiving their financial freedom (oh wait, was that biting the bait?) .. Let me rephrase that ... since our income will be lessened soon by the loss of child support income .... and we are already strapped for money.... and the phone will NOT stop ringing... and I can not possibly ask my husband to work any more hours (he would - but it's simply not possible since he already works 66 hours a week)... I must get an additional job. We have been talking at the church about the possibility of opening up a daycare center - the need is great. It would be a perfect job for me - one that enables me to continue to homeschool Jake in the fall like I want. I have been looking into the requirements .... oh geez the red tape you have to go through.... certifications... inspections.... conferences... paperwork, paperwork, paperwork... It's all doable ... but it all takes time. Open without doing all of that and it's a $200 a day fine. So, if that happens it will not be overnight.

I ran into Yvonne (our fabulous Pampered Chef lady) the other day... and we were talking... and I do know she makes money at what she does while still being around for her kids.. so I have decided to sign up. Yep.... I'm your new Pampered Chef consultant.... I labored over the decision... Carol just recently signed up - would we be competing for people??? Would anyone want me instead of Yvonne??? I don't know the answer to either of those questions... but I have to do something to bring in money. I do love the product... should be easier to sell than candles...

So, there is #2....

There is other stuff going on ... that is really fighting to steal the joy that I just received... honestly, the bait was presented like an hour later after I had made decision #1. GRRRRRR..... dang satan.... (spell check says I should capitalize that.. I don't think so) But thank you Jesus... I think it is working out... this one regards the soon to be 18 yr old and the family in Texas that is trying to tell him that he no longer needs to be under my authority... (and then attempted to give me parenting advise.) He swears he is telling them that is not right - that he does and is under my authority as long as he lives here.... but I don't know.... I think I'm gonna let John deal with this one.

Graduation

It's coming so soon... my boy will be 18 and a high school graduate. I can hardly believe it... my emotions are all over the place about it... but one thing that remains constant is how old I feel.

EDIT: Graduation is on Fri - June 13th at 4pm at our church. You all are most definitely invited in case I don't get an invite out to you... and there will be a party on Sat the 14th at 11am at Fellowship of the South Bay - church on Narbonne with the bell tower.

Horses.

I know that most of my readers think I am a little crazy for loving horses like I do. At the most - I know you don't get it.

I've been thinking alot about it lately. Just what is it? It's so much more than, "they are pretty."

So, here's what I have come up with: they are the closest thing I can think of that embodies all the attributes of God. ... beautiful, graceful, loving, gentle, peaceful...fun-loving, relational...a great listener.... faithful... but strong and powerful at the same time.... and when you can no longer walk ~~ they will carry you.

Now, you know...

www.refugefarms.com www.refugefarms.blogspot.com

Well, he's off....

At home after taking Christopher to the airport... He's off to Texas to take a girl to prom. It's so not right that I am not there to pin his boutonnière on.

Other than that... had a better day today. Was in some sort of funk yesterday... not sure that it's over .... but over all - better day.

On a completely different note: I just recently found a very funny comedian.
His name is Tommy Blaze. Funny, funny guy... great to laugh... I recommend you checking him out...

I think I need to go to the doctor...

or maybe I need to hire (with my imaginary money) a drill Sargent....

I am sooooo tired..... I slept til 10:30 today... something is wrong with me...

Or maybe it is because I am not busy enough? The only thing I had waiting for me to do today when I got up is laundry.... oh - and catch up on my Bible study... (and in that I mean do the whole weeks worth today)

Other things going on:

Christopher is turning 18 on June 10th... and is graduating high school on the 13th (I should be ordering or creating some kind of announcement/invitation). I need to get on the ball and decide on what kind of party we are having (that you all are invited to) He is leaving tomorrow night to fly to Houston to attend a friends prom this weekend. He has his Biola prom on the 23rd... I have until Friday to pay for that... and then get a tux for him in a week. (that paragraph all costs a lot of money)

Christopher's grandfather is coming for his graduation... yes, his grandfather - not his father... jerk. But I think that was part of Christopher's doing - from what I gather he persuaded his dad not to come. I think if the table were turned - he could try to persuade me all he wanted - there is no way I would miss my son's graduation.

Jake just received a progress report from school. He has taken some 3rd quarter assessment tests... and scored perfect scores on all of them! On reading - he is reading 64.5 words/min with fluency being 40 .. I guess that's good huh? The only thing she thinks he needs help in is handwriting, spelling and making good use of his time - his effort is inconsistent.... what a coincidence - the same 3 things I need help in...

Child support is being cut off ... and I am freaking out a little about that. I think I need to get another p/t job... at least for the summer... I'm getting that sinking feeling and I don't like it.

The lady that runs the horse rescue farm in Wisconsin has been writing the story about a horse that she rescued. I read the story and sit and cry like a baby... I so badly want to be there...

Maybe I can't get up and get going because I am bored with my life.... there is a lot going on... always is... but .... I don't know - something is missing...

Well, it's 12:30 and John is on his way home from work to work on his pop up trailer... guess I should get dressed.....

Happy Mother's Day

Maxine has a blog... and on her blog for Mother's day she was commenting on the Duggar family. In case you don't know who these people are - they are an amazing Christ centered family who currently have 17 children and #18 is scheduled to arrive 1/1/09. Yep - you read that right - 18 children. They also homeschool all of them...

I watched a TLC (or was it Discovery?) show about them... I find them facinating. They built their own home ... every child aged 8 up had their own drill and was expected to particpate. Each member of the family was able to weigh in on the design of the house. They were moving out of a very tiny home and building a 7000 sq ft home equipped with 2 kitchens (1 cafeteria style) and a basement game room that the boys can access from a slide in their bedroom.

Other interesting things about them... every child learns to play the piano and the violin. Their chores are called jurisdictions - and they are assigned to that everyone knows their part of keeping the house going. And - they are debt free... One income - 17 kids and debt free... how in the world do they do that???

But the thing I find most facinating is how the kids get along. When designing the house - the kids were asked if they wanted be together (boys in 1 room and girls in another)... or if they wanted their own rooms. They said they wanted to remain together. How sweet is that?

I can't even get my boys to share a car ride to the resturant on Mother's Day without fighting....

Just when you say it can't get worse...

Actually I learned long ago to never say that... because just when I said it ... things would always get worse.

Anyway - the pain thing... it's worse. On top of everything in my last blog... I threw my back out on Saturday while camping. I thought I was getting better yesterday... but I woke up today barely able to walk again. I pressed on - got Christopher to school and myself off to work. I thought that if maybe I work it out - it might get better...

Hard to say... but gonna cut this short since sitting at the computer all day has really done a number on my back... so off to bed.... maybe there I can get my Bible Study homework done..??

Well, I guess one thing good - it's taken my mind off of my jaw hurting...

But I haven't been doing it...

I was just talking to someone the other night about being open and sharing our life with each other... after all - we call ourselves a family... and yet - so many people are guarded about what they tell. I figure either 1 - people can't pray for me if they don't know what's going on or 2 - if it's in the past, they can't know how God worked it out if I don't tell them; either way God is glorified.

And then I realized that I haven't done what I said we should do. So, here's what's been going on with me:

I'm in pain. Lots and lots of it. I think I feel badly for sharing it because the pain that I feel is nothing compared to what my mom and my sister are feeling. And mine has been going on for a fraction of the time of theirs... so I guess I feel like a wimp for mentioning it.

But it's real... and it's getting out of control. I can handle a lot ... and I think I have a pretty high tolerance for pain ... but I'm not sure how much more I can take.

I don't really want to "blame" this on the incident - but it does seem to correlate in timing - that ever since then, my TMJ pain has been astronomical.... I went to the doctor yesterday for what I thought was a sinus infection because my face has been hurting... he says he thinks I have been taking too many decongestants and am banned from them for life. That the decongestants have caused what appears to be a sinus infection to me - but he sees no infection. So, only thing he can suggest is Flonase nose spray - forever. The problem for me is that the "sinus not infection" triggers the TMJ ... and then they trigger my shoulders to tighten... and then it all together causes a migrane. It hurts all day - but night time is worse.

On top of that, my back hurts. I have lower back pain... constantly. And it ususally is shooting down my legs.... I see a chiropractor on a semi regular basis - well, I go when I can't stand it anymore. If I sit too long - I have a hard time standing up.... and then until it all works out - I walk all stooped over. I tell John - if this is me at 40...

Yesterday at the doc, I asked him what he thinks I should do about the TMJ... he said he could perscribe Xanax... but I told him that I already take pain pills at night... and I really want to be able to stop taking them.... before that turns into a problem all on it's own.

The phantom pain in my right side is still there.... what is this 4 years now? No doctor could ever figure it out... so I gave up trying.

I did ask for a pain shot yesterday at the doctors and he was happy to oblige. Toradol - the wonder drug... so last night, that was me pain free.

sigh.... But something that is worrying me more... is Jake. He has been having nightmares. EVERY NITE. I pray, I have denounced demons out of his room... not sure what else to do. The dreams lately have been about snakes - it was bugs, now it's snakes. He sees them and feels them on him... and even when he is "awake" - he swears they are in the bed. So, he is back to sleeping with us. I don't mind if it allows him to get some rest... but even with us, he still has the nightmares.

Well, today is my day to go to Biola and be the parent helper in Christopher's classes. I enjoy being able to go and spend the time with him... and watch him with his friends. It's such a great group of kids there... there is such a freedom among them - to just be themselves. You don't feel that there are any clicks (cliques?) ... every one talks to everyone... it's really refreshing. And before I get all melancholy about my son about to graduate and me not having any more time to be a part of his life like I am now....

I need to get ready for the day....