THANK YOU LORD!!!

Christopher went to see the play Sunday night... after the play he talked with one of the cast members. I don't know what this guy said to him... but by the time Christopher got home - he had changed his mind! He told me that Ron had helped him see just how stupid he was being. And he was canceling his plane trip.

He did tell me that (as I had suspected) that a lot of this was about a girl... who just found out that since he has been home - already has gotten a boyfriend. He was planning on moving there and changing her mind.

He was crushed. And I reminded him - she is only 15 son. The wind blows and the moods change... poor boy.

Opening Night...

was amazing... I forgot how much I missed that...

thanks sooooo much to those who went... I <3 you all !!!

Am I making him a prodigal?

I just got home from dress rehearsal... and on the way home I was listening to Focus on the Family. They had a speaker who was talking about prodigals. But it wasn't the usual story - it was a challenge to those of us who have judged someone into becoming a prodigal. Without the criticism most likely they would have never left...

He went on to speak to parents: Watch out that we are not missing out on the good things that our kids are doing because all we can see is the bad. Yes, they are trying your last nerve with some of their actions or what they chose to wear ... but the other day when they showed kindness to the stranger? - that was the behavior that Jesus is looking for. He is not having committee meetings about someones clothes or their style of worship.

Another note to parents. Drop the guilt. Stop worrying about how others are judging your parenting. After all - we have the perfect Father with a book full of examples of His children turning away from Him.

Bottom line: He told 2 stories of people that he met in his life - that although they were very conservative in their own behavior, their heart knew no boundaries on who to love. They did not compromise on their beliefs but it did not stop them from loving someone... boldly, physically, plainly.... looking past the sagging pants or the hair - and just giving them a hug.

So, now I have to question myself and my own actions... have I been too critical? Have I shown him just how much I love him? Just how wonderful I think he is? How talented and gifted he is? How much greatness I see in him?? What a blessing he has been to my life?

Probably not... all I have been able to see is that hat...

Oh my Gosh - It's this Friday!!!

Butterflies are starting to flutter... opening night is this weekend!!!

In case you want tickets - here's the website to order:

Family Outing (http://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/42508)

I know that Stacey and Denise are going - is anyone else???

And even as exciting news - my sister will be here on Saturday...

Wow - what a weekend to come!!!

Today was a good day...

WooHoo!! It's a good day... Mom is home... and Christopher starts his first job tomorrow morning. It's a part time temporary job.. but it's a start. We have been talking about the AirForce to him and he says that it sounds interesting... but who knows what's really going on in that kids head.

I'm teaching in Beginners Church tomorrow... Paul in Silas in jail. This is one of the reasons I love to teach... because I learn (or at least am reminded) right along with the kids. I'm sure you know the story -- Paul in Silas thrown in jail for telling others about Jesus... they begin to praise Him even in what seems to the lowest of lows for them.... they begin to praise Him. They were now free from the house of bondage... And the best part - God was able to use their freed spirits to save a man and his family.

Yep - it's a good day indeed...

All's good...

With mom anyway....

She had the procedure done today... they went in with a scope and opened up the bile duct with a small incision - in there they found 4 stones. They flushed them out to pass and she should be on the mend soon!!!

Praise God!!! Thank you so much for all of you who were praying!!!

Mom/Son/Trip Update

Today's blood work shows that mom's pancreas situation is getting worse - and it has spread to her liver. I say situation since they still don't know really what "this" is. They have several theories: 1- a small stone they can't see on the CT scan; 2 - scarring in the sphincter muscle from the gallbladder; 3 - the bile duct(s)closing up. If it's #3 - they don't know why it's doing that. At any case tomorrow or Friday they will be transporting her to Torrance to have an ERCP done... (where they go down with a scope, a balloon and a grabber to see, enlarge ducts and extract whatever is in the way). I guess we will know more after that.

Christopher is still planning on moving although I am told by everyone in Texas that they are telling him that this is not a good plan and that he should not do it. I guess we will see what happens when mid October gets here (that's when he says he is going) - since they say they are not funding the trip to get him there. Right now, I am praying for the Air Force. I have been told by 3 people of their experience and training they received there - and it sounds great.

I was planning on taking a vacation the first part of October to go to the East coast with my mom and sister to visit family and see where my mom grew up... but East coast family has said that it is not a good time (with the above 2 things - they are probably right). So, it looks like my sister is coming here to visit instead!

So, in all cases - looking for God's will and plans to be carried out.

Mom back in the Hospital

Well, my mom had her gallbladder (finally) removed last week. She went home the next day and was in quite a bit of pain from the surgery but seemed like she was finally on her way to recovery on Sunday night... or was it Monday night.

Anyway - she called me yesterday morning to rush over there that she was having different pain and it was terrible. She had so much gas that I thought she might explode... and honestly I thought at that time she might be exaggerating the pain a bit much. The pain grew and grew - we called her surgeon and he said get her to the ER now. She didn't think she could walk to the car and for whatever reason her senior bldg doesn't have a wheelchair for cases like this - so here comes the ambulance.

So, at the ER the surgeon came to see her and said that he thinks that the gas is not a simple case of indigestion but a symptom of something else. He believed that she had pancreatitus (inflammation of the pancreas) but he needed to find out why. His best guess was that a stone was loose and lodged in one of the ducts causing all the problems. If that was the case - simple fix go in with a scope and retract the stone. So we waited for blood work to confirm that she did have pancreatitus and a CT scan to confirm the stone.

Blood work confirmed pancreatitus but CT scan does not confirm the stone. So, now she is admitted - waiting for the surgeon and gastro docs to confer and figure out what their next step is.

Pancreatitus in itself is not serious - but if not fixed can lead to serious problems.... so thanks for the prayers already said and any more you can offer.

I will update when I know more...

My heart is ripping in two....

Christopher is making plans to move to Texas.... making these plans behind my back. Running away from a girl here - to a girl there... and using everything I say to him as an excuse to make it all right.

I feel like such a failure...

Being his mom has been such of a fight - right from the beginning. Right after he was born I had a gallbladder attack and went into the hospital for 12 days... then I was released - had another attack and went back in the hospital for another 12 days. Both times - my mother-in-law convinced my husband that he shouldn't bring the baby to see me. When I was released we moved in with her for 6 weeks because I wasn't supposed to lift anything heavy. So... the first 3 months of his life he was held by her...

I then went back to work - she watched him and he drew closer to her. He would cry when I came to pick him up. It was torture.

We moved into another house that wasn't so close to her and things got better. Our relationship grew... and then his dad walked out. So then it was me and him... I felt at times it was Christopher and me against the world.... many things happened but the constant thing was us. It came a time when I needed to work to get myself out of debt so he had to move back into his grandmothers.... for a year I worked and would see him when I could ... until finally he asked me why he couldn't stay with me. I hold onto that moment - at that moment I knew my son loved me.

Over the years - I thought we were drawing closer.... I thought... I have watched him grow and change.... I have watched him accept the Lord into his life... I have watched him learn and thought he was on a path to right choices... he has so much potential... but he is ready to squander it all away...

He has no job... a high school education... no skills... no plan... but he's 18.

I know that I made a lot of these same choices in life... and that is what scares me... I did have a plan - was in college but I allowed stupidity (mainly in the form of a boy) to change the whole course of my life. I want so much more for him.... it is really breaking my heart to watch him do this... and there is nothing I can do about it.

Nothing but stand by and cry...

I have felt for a long time that God has a calling for his life... and sometimes I wonder if it is that pressure that Christopher is running from. I know that he is smart - I know that he knows deep down that what he is doing is wrong - at the very least it doesn't make sense. But maybe the pressure and guilt for not stepping up and into the calling is what he is really running from... I don't know.

But ultimately it makes me not even want to try with the younger one. For 18 years, everything that I have taught Christopher has been refuted by his father... the structure and instruction has been seen by many as nothing by my desire to control. In fact what it was my deep deep love for my son....

Although John has come such a long way as a husband and father... this is one thing that we still battle with. I tell Jake one thing and he is taught quite the opposite by his father... I really don't want to do this again... maybe I should just put him into public school ... get busy(er) with my own life... and let his father raise him. Why try - What is the point of it all????