I have copied and pasted here a portion of a blog from Sandy at Refuge Farms. She compares and contrasts how a group of horses (a herd) and a group of people act ... as a group. I have included the people part here. Really interesting and thought provoking... if you would like to read more or check out how the horses treat each other - check out her blog at Refuge Farms.
We humans are not naturally curious adults. We are curious as children, but somewhere along the line we learn to doubt and mistrust and the curiosity is set aside for judgment and criticism and skepticism. We set expectations and if another human does not meet our expectations we have disappointment and anger toward them. We humans tend to shun the human who fails to meet our expectations. Or we simply withdraw and withhold our communications and interactions with that failing human that we have no faith in any longer.
We humans tend to create societies inside of the big society, thereby leaving some behind or outside of our inner circle. We leave some behind simply because they don’t fit with us or have failed us in some way and so we no longer go back to retrieve them. We let them stay behind to fend for themselves. And in our mini-societies, we tend to tell our fellow humans what they “should do” or “need to do” or “ought not to do”. We tend to be experts on the actions of others without always considering the footprints of the others.
We humans also tend to not move like fluid. Instead we tend to fend for ourselves and forget the power of mass and the force of many. We see change and fail to communicate. Usually, we resist change and strike out either with words or that withdrawal mechanism again. Sadly, we humans tend to not meet change as a group with open communication and respect for our leader. Once again, we end up standing alone to face expectations with an already slow start because we are alone and without the support and protection of our herd.
And we humans tend not to overextend ourselves to care for others. We tend to say you “must have some common sense about it” and we tend to leave some to die. Is it our faith that is weak? Or our conviction that is lacking? Or are we just too tired meeting all of those expectations set upon us? How can we turn our back on those who will suffer or die without us?
More than anything, I see we humans as an anxious lot. An unsatisfied lot. Not easy to please or easy to be or stay happy. We seem to want more than the sun on our shoulders and a decent meal with fresh water.
So.... let me know what you think... especially if you go and read the whole blog.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Et tu Brute?
I know there must be a lesson in here somewhere... but ....
Man I was burned up yesterday - not at how incredibly hot it was here or how that lady at the restaurant treated me.... but I absolutely can NOT stand being talked to like I am an idiot.
Probably because my mom does it to me... I just turned 40 and she still treats me like I am a child... and one with no sense at all. She asks me the dumbest questions... or she will ask my kids stuff like - did you eat dinner tonight? or have a bath? or did you have any fruit today - how about I get you an applesauce? Like I'm gonna say - "Awww I knew I was forgetting something!!" Yes mom - my kids have eaten... and no it's possible they don't bathe every day... if Jake happens to fall asleep - I'm not waking the kid up to bathe him! And I do have fruit and applesauce in my house nearly all the time... if they are hungry in between meals - I do suggest that... Yeah... I made the mistake of asking her one day if she thought I was a good mom.....
And then Christopher does it.... he often forgets that I'm the parent and quite a bit older than him and just might know a few things about the world and how it works. For example: we were talking about someone that he and I wanted to meet ... but we were told that he was not available that he had gone to an AA meeting. So, in the car I was making an observation (that he didn't let me finish) that hmmm... so he's an alcoholic... (and then I was going to say I find it odd that everyone else in the house had no trouble drinking while this man was off at an AA meeting)... but before I could get that out Christopher jumped all over me saying he is not an alcoholic .. he's been sober for 4 years. And I was trying to tell him that alcoholism is a disease that you fight for life (I guess since my dad died from it wasn't enough experience for him that I might know what I am talking about). Then he started singing some hymn about the blood of Jesus ... OK ... now you've just made me mad. He always does that. When he gets backed in a corner of an argument with me he starts saying that I am a bad Christian and being judgmental. First of all - we don't know if this man is saved (don't think so)... and 2nd of all if you ask even a saved Christian who was an alcoholic BC they will tell you they still are. (Yes, it is POSSIBLE - but not the norm.) If not, then why continue going to meetings (treatment), etc.? "He's not in treatment - he's just hanging out with friends." Geez... yes, they are friends - and they get together to talk about their struggles and to encourage each other. So this went on and on... round and round... until he said, "Fine whatever." ... just to shut me up. And occasionally Jake thinks he can do it.. the other day he argued with me about what street we lived on. It's not the arguing (although I don't like that either) - it's the condescending tone in the voice that really gets me with them.
MAJOR EDIT: I had a dear friend call me yesterday whom feelings I had hurt by my post - so I am editing what I have to say. It was NEVER my intention to hurt anyone else... just basically venting and explaining a point that sometimes I feel that I am surrounded by this.
My close friends used to tell me that I was doing too much. Every time it was said to me I felt like I was thought of as someone who didn't have enough sense to set her own limits. And I always wondered - how can they do that? I know they care, and this is where it's coming from but, my limits are not their limits... I know me. I have a different upbringing, different life, different family... different threshold - how can anyone say that they think that I can't handle anymore. Maybe they can't handle it - but I work best busy!
I am miserable with nothing to do. When I have little to do - I do nothing at all. When I am busy - I get it all done. Right now, I am sleeping too much, I am eating too much... I am not putting any energy into my bible study or the daily reading... I feel that I have nothing really going on - so I can do it later.... and I continue putting it off until it just doesn't get done. When I have a full schedule I get everything done because I know I don't have time later - so I don't put things off. Seriously if you don't know that I am happier busy then you don't really know me... I feel that I have proven myself over and over that I can organize, direct, teach..... so why are limits being put on me? If I'm not doing a good job then I should not be doing anything at all. Yes, I get tired - but it's that good tired ... from actually accomplishing something.
Like I said - this used to happen from my friends - but they got the message that it really bothers me. And they do indeed love me - so they have stopped doing it. But you know if something is said enough... then other people start believing it. And now I believe that others whom I deal with frequently in life, still believe it - and will set unnecessary limits on what I can do.
END MAJOR EDIT
But the icing on the cake was when John did it to me. Yesterday I ran into someone from his work. They were wearing a Wyotech shirt and I introduced myself. She turned out to be the Vice President of the company. She told me how much they loved him there... and I told her how much he loves his job. And then in conversation she said you might be getting a chance to see more of him in the near future because we are having to cut overtime - so he may be off weekends soon. And I told her that yes, that would be great for him not to have to work 56 hours a week - but that's just it: he has to for us to survive. We would not make it if his hours are cut. That a cut in hours would be fine if he made more money.... students are graduating and making more money than their instructor... and he is the lead but doesn't even make a full dollar more than the other instructors. He holds a ton of responsibility at that company and he is not adequately compensated for it. She said she agreed and she is working on it. So, I was on the phone telling John of this conversation... and he went off on me - "So, I guess now I should look for my weekends to be cut since you said I am working too much." What??? You seriously think I am an idiot that would do anything that would jeopardize your job??? Really??? Your gonna do this to me too??? I tried to explain that was not how the conversation went... and he just continued that because of me talking to her that he was going to lose hours. I just hung up.
So... what's the lesson here? What could I possibly need to learn through everyone talking to me like a child who doesn't have enough sense to come out of the rain? Do I do this to other people? Have I ever done this to you?
Man I was burned up yesterday - not at how incredibly hot it was here or how that lady at the restaurant treated me.... but I absolutely can NOT stand being talked to like I am an idiot.
Probably because my mom does it to me... I just turned 40 and she still treats me like I am a child... and one with no sense at all. She asks me the dumbest questions... or she will ask my kids stuff like - did you eat dinner tonight? or have a bath? or did you have any fruit today - how about I get you an applesauce? Like I'm gonna say - "Awww I knew I was forgetting something!!" Yes mom - my kids have eaten... and no it's possible they don't bathe every day... if Jake happens to fall asleep - I'm not waking the kid up to bathe him! And I do have fruit and applesauce in my house nearly all the time... if they are hungry in between meals - I do suggest that... Yeah... I made the mistake of asking her one day if she thought I was a good mom.....
And then Christopher does it.... he often forgets that I'm the parent and quite a bit older than him and just might know a few things about the world and how it works. For example: we were talking about someone that he and I wanted to meet ... but we were told that he was not available that he had gone to an AA meeting. So, in the car I was making an observation (that he didn't let me finish) that hmmm... so he's an alcoholic... (and then I was going to say I find it odd that everyone else in the house had no trouble drinking while this man was off at an AA meeting)... but before I could get that out Christopher jumped all over me saying he is not an alcoholic .. he's been sober for 4 years. And I was trying to tell him that alcoholism is a disease that you fight for life (I guess since my dad died from it wasn't enough experience for him that I might know what I am talking about). Then he started singing some hymn about the blood of Jesus ... OK ... now you've just made me mad. He always does that. When he gets backed in a corner of an argument with me he starts saying that I am a bad Christian and being judgmental. First of all - we don't know if this man is saved (don't think so)... and 2nd of all if you ask even a saved Christian who was an alcoholic BC they will tell you they still are. (Yes, it is POSSIBLE - but not the norm.) If not, then why continue going to meetings (treatment), etc.? "He's not in treatment - he's just hanging out with friends." Geez... yes, they are friends - and they get together to talk about their struggles and to encourage each other. So this went on and on... round and round... until he said, "Fine whatever." ... just to shut me up. And occasionally Jake thinks he can do it.. the other day he argued with me about what street we lived on. It's not the arguing (although I don't like that either) - it's the condescending tone in the voice that really gets me with them.
MAJOR EDIT: I had a dear friend call me yesterday whom feelings I had hurt by my post - so I am editing what I have to say. It was NEVER my intention to hurt anyone else... just basically venting and explaining a point that sometimes I feel that I am surrounded by this.
My close friends used to tell me that I was doing too much. Every time it was said to me I felt like I was thought of as someone who didn't have enough sense to set her own limits. And I always wondered - how can they do that? I know they care, and this is where it's coming from but, my limits are not their limits... I know me. I have a different upbringing, different life, different family... different threshold - how can anyone say that they think that I can't handle anymore. Maybe they can't handle it - but I work best busy!
I am miserable with nothing to do. When I have little to do - I do nothing at all. When I am busy - I get it all done. Right now, I am sleeping too much, I am eating too much... I am not putting any energy into my bible study or the daily reading... I feel that I have nothing really going on - so I can do it later.... and I continue putting it off until it just doesn't get done. When I have a full schedule I get everything done because I know I don't have time later - so I don't put things off. Seriously if you don't know that I am happier busy then you don't really know me... I feel that I have proven myself over and over that I can organize, direct, teach..... so why are limits being put on me? If I'm not doing a good job then I should not be doing anything at all. Yes, I get tired - but it's that good tired ... from actually accomplishing something.
Like I said - this used to happen from my friends - but they got the message that it really bothers me. And they do indeed love me - so they have stopped doing it. But you know if something is said enough... then other people start believing it. And now I believe that others whom I deal with frequently in life, still believe it - and will set unnecessary limits on what I can do.
END MAJOR EDIT
But the icing on the cake was when John did it to me. Yesterday I ran into someone from his work. They were wearing a Wyotech shirt and I introduced myself. She turned out to be the Vice President of the company. She told me how much they loved him there... and I told her how much he loves his job. And then in conversation she said you might be getting a chance to see more of him in the near future because we are having to cut overtime - so he may be off weekends soon. And I told her that yes, that would be great for him not to have to work 56 hours a week - but that's just it: he has to for us to survive. We would not make it if his hours are cut. That a cut in hours would be fine if he made more money.... students are graduating and making more money than their instructor... and he is the lead but doesn't even make a full dollar more than the other instructors. He holds a ton of responsibility at that company and he is not adequately compensated for it. She said she agreed and she is working on it. So, I was on the phone telling John of this conversation... and he went off on me - "So, I guess now I should look for my weekends to be cut since you said I am working too much." What??? You seriously think I am an idiot that would do anything that would jeopardize your job??? Really??? Your gonna do this to me too??? I tried to explain that was not how the conversation went... and he just continued that because of me talking to her that he was going to lose hours. I just hung up.
So... what's the lesson here? What could I possibly need to learn through everyone talking to me like a child who doesn't have enough sense to come out of the rain? Do I do this to other people? Have I ever done this to you?
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Habits Don't Form Overnight
I wrote about this once before - back on May 1st. = I think we have a conclusion...
Jake has been having Night Terrors for the last 2 months. He has been waking up in the middle of the night - eyes wide open but not awake - screaming at the top of his lungs about snakes, bugs or other creepy crawlers all over him and his bed. He has no fear during the day - remembers very little of what happened the night before and goes to bed the next night with no problems. But night after night, there is something attacking him.
I finally told Pastor John about the Night Terrors on Sunday. He prayed for Jake a very short and simple prayer that God would take these fears away. That night when going to bed, John said to Jake, "Good night buddy, I hope you don't have any bad dreams tonight."
Jake replied, "I won't. Pastor John prayed for me." Ahhhh ... the faith of a child. If we could all be like that. He went to bed with no fear that night - in fact he kinda strided off to bed with confidence - and had his first full night of sleep in over 2 months. And... he had another last night. Yes - praise be to God.
I have been questioning God lately... about these terrors... about how my mom could be sick and in the hospital on Christopher's graduation day... Questioning His timing...
And then on Sunday - we were singing "He Reigns"
Jake has been having Night Terrors for the last 2 months. He has been waking up in the middle of the night - eyes wide open but not awake - screaming at the top of his lungs about snakes, bugs or other creepy crawlers all over him and his bed. He has no fear during the day - remembers very little of what happened the night before and goes to bed the next night with no problems. But night after night, there is something attacking him.
I finally told Pastor John about the Night Terrors on Sunday. He prayed for Jake a very short and simple prayer that God would take these fears away. That night when going to bed, John said to Jake, "Good night buddy, I hope you don't have any bad dreams tonight."
Jake replied, "I won't. Pastor John prayed for me." Ahhhh ... the faith of a child. If we could all be like that. He went to bed with no fear that night - in fact he kinda strided off to bed with confidence - and had his first full night of sleep in over 2 months. And... he had another last night. Yes - praise be to God.
I have been questioning God lately... about these terrors... about how my mom could be sick and in the hospital on Christopher's graduation day... Questioning His timing...
And then on Sunday - we were singing "He Reigns"
Our God
Is an awesome God
He reigns from heaven above
With wisdom, power and love
Our God is an awesome God
Our God is an awesome God
Is an awesome God
He reigns from heaven above
With wisdom, power and love
Our God is an awesome God
Our God is an awesome God
When I hit that word - wisdom... He reigns with wisdom.... I had to hang my head and ask for forgiveness. How could I possibly question Him - the Creator of Heaven and Earth? How could I possibly question His wisdom???
And in His infinite wisdom... I believe I have been able to see just why these night terrors have been happening. First I must say that I have researched the night terrors - and although they are horrific for the parents - the children rarely have any recollection of what happened and have no lasting effects.
But what it has done has create a prayer life for Jake. It has given Jake a reason to seek Him nightly... to draw Jake closer to Him... to cause Jake to want to call out to Him. Because God knows that habits don't form over night - they take time.. this has established a pattern for Jake of nightly prayer.... and not just because mom says he should... but a relationship all his own.... If that is His reason for the night terrors - then I am eternally grateful.
And in His infinite wisdom... I believe I have been able to see just why these night terrors have been happening. First I must say that I have researched the night terrors - and although they are horrific for the parents - the children rarely have any recollection of what happened and have no lasting effects.
But what it has done has create a prayer life for Jake. It has given Jake a reason to seek Him nightly... to draw Jake closer to Him... to cause Jake to want to call out to Him. Because God knows that habits don't form over night - they take time.. this has established a pattern for Jake of nightly prayer.... and not just because mom says he should... but a relationship all his own.... If that is His reason for the night terrors - then I am eternally grateful.
Sunday, June 8, 2008
Who Can Be Against Me?
I have a busy week ahead so I decided that I better get my homework done while I had the chance. So - I finished ... well, probably not early - but I'm not doing it all on Wednesday right before our meeting time ... so early to me.
And wow - day 5. Maybe this will be a spoiler to some - so don't finish reading until you are done if you think so....
Paraphrasing greatly:
"Regardless of how long we've been Christian and how deeply we've studied God's Word, most of us don't really believe down in the marrow of our bones that God is entirely, wholeheartedly, and unwaveringly on our side. We are secretly convinced that although He had high hopes for His creation - we have proved to be a terrible disappointment but because he is faithful to His covenant, He is obligated to put up with us."
Yep - I've thought that... like now - God we are faithful tithers, why are we having money problems??
Throughout the study we were asked to reflect on the many times that we know would not have worked out had God NOT been on our side.
There are so many... I am blown away. Let's begin with the life that I was living back in Texas... let's just say - "I was looking for love in all the wrong places." So many dangerous situations that I put myself into - that I know HE got me out of. There is no other way that I could have afforded to move here - had it not been for God stepping in and having the company I was going to work for pay for my entire trip. My marriage seemed destined for failure - but now I have a marriage that fairy tales were written about. And then there is my son Christopher.... not only did Satan try to take him away spiritually - but then physically... and within months of each other. God not only turned a lawyer against his own client but baffled a team of doctors!
"Christ will never take us into a battle we can not win. We would have to choose defeat against our new nature. He gazes beneath our sin into the brokenness that causes us to devalue ourselves so thoroughly. He is the ultimate Prince Charming to every woman, especially the one who forgot she was Cinderella."
And then we were asked to rewrite Romans 8:28-39 as personal statements from God to us - as I Will statements.
Here's mine:
My child Cassandra,
I will make sure all things work together for your good.
I will give you all things.
I will make you like my Son.
I will glorify you.
I will give you full victory.
I will never leave you.
Love, God
So now as I battle the fear of my dear son growing up and leaving.... I have to remind myself: That He is His God too - and if He is on his side, then who can be against him?
And wow - day 5. Maybe this will be a spoiler to some - so don't finish reading until you are done if you think so....
Paraphrasing greatly:
"Regardless of how long we've been Christian and how deeply we've studied God's Word, most of us don't really believe down in the marrow of our bones that God is entirely, wholeheartedly, and unwaveringly on our side. We are secretly convinced that although He had high hopes for His creation - we have proved to be a terrible disappointment but because he is faithful to His covenant, He is obligated to put up with us."
Yep - I've thought that... like now - God we are faithful tithers, why are we having money problems??
Throughout the study we were asked to reflect on the many times that we know would not have worked out had God NOT been on our side.
There are so many... I am blown away. Let's begin with the life that I was living back in Texas... let's just say - "I was looking for love in all the wrong places." So many dangerous situations that I put myself into - that I know HE got me out of. There is no other way that I could have afforded to move here - had it not been for God stepping in and having the company I was going to work for pay for my entire trip. My marriage seemed destined for failure - but now I have a marriage that fairy tales were written about. And then there is my son Christopher.... not only did Satan try to take him away spiritually - but then physically... and within months of each other. God not only turned a lawyer against his own client but baffled a team of doctors!
"Christ will never take us into a battle we can not win. We would have to choose defeat against our new nature. He gazes beneath our sin into the brokenness that causes us to devalue ourselves so thoroughly. He is the ultimate Prince Charming to every woman, especially the one who forgot she was Cinderella."
And then we were asked to rewrite Romans 8:28-39 as personal statements from God to us - as I Will statements.
Here's mine:
My child Cassandra,
I will make sure all things work together for your good.
I will give you all things.
I will make you like my Son.
I will glorify you.
I will give you full victory.
I will never leave you.
Love, God
So now as I battle the fear of my dear son growing up and leaving.... I have to remind myself: That He is His God too - and if He is on his side, then who can be against him?
Friday, June 6, 2008
Exercising... UGGH...
I am impressed with my friends and their recent weight losses. But I guess not impressed enough to get my butt moving and do the same... sigh...
Maybe if I had this??? But I guess it won't work unless you have the game system to go with it.
Dang.... where are my walking shoes anyway? The hills of San Pedro seem to be calling...
Maybe if I had this??? But I guess it won't work unless you have the game system to go with it.
Dang.... where are my walking shoes anyway? The hills of San Pedro seem to be calling...
Monday, June 2, 2008
Maxine
Maxine created a blog of her own. I highly recommend you checking it out... funny, funny stuff. Plus I guess they figured out that I was "borrowing" the daily comic from their site - and they put a stop to that. So if you have gotten hooked on a daily dose of Maxine funnies... check her out on her own site.
Her last blog was about Hilarious Science Fair Experiments... oh my - why would people EVER dress their kids like that??? OR let their kids do a science experiment on moon babies... or how about "Who's your Daddy? = Year 2"? Oh my....
Her last blog was about Hilarious Science Fair Experiments... oh my - why would people EVER dress their kids like that??? OR let their kids do a science experiment on moon babies... or how about "Who's your Daddy? = Year 2"? Oh my....
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