It's Sunday. Sunday = Church. We had a guest speaker today. A missionary from Global University. He was a good speaker.... My mom's only comment: I wish who ever is speaking wouldn't talk about how much time they don't have.
After church I went to lunch with the leaders of our women's ministry. We discussed the upcoming retreat. The conversation then led to a discussion about a current Wed night study... and for some reason I felt the need to get defensive.
The study is based on a book called "Captivating". It's an awesome book ... but what I hear most from other people about the book and the study is that it's too "foo foo" or "flowery" ... I don't get it. I am so not your girly girl ... and I don't think it's all girly ... why do others who one would think are way more feminine then me think this? It really is confusing. Anyway - last weeks study was talking about the ways we as women hide. We hide our vulnerablity, our weakness, our being a woman by being either a weak, passive and desolate woman - or go to the other extreme and becoming controlling and dominant. The third alternative is that we become some odd mixture of the two. I have discovered that I fall into the third camp... being one to hide the fact that I really am the other.
I was told growing up that my dad was given a choice when I was about 5... either stop drinking or we were going to leave. Well, let's just say - he didn't choose me. Some of my earliest memories are of being at the bar begging him to leave because I was falling asleep ... only to hear him say, "Just one more." What it meant to me was that I was not worthy.
That set off a chain of events in my life. If my dad did not think I was worthy - maybe some other man will. I went from one to the other searching for what my father did not give me. And searching for what ultimately no man could give me. The only One who could give me what I needed ... what I truely needed was the true lover of my soul ... Jesus. Captivating was the tool that showed me that... NO I don't think that it is the only book that should ever read. And NO I don't think that the Bible shouldn't be read or that someone couldn't read the Bible and find out that same information. But for me - Captivating said it in a way that I had never heard before. For that I am truely grateful. I am grateful to the Elderidges for being obedient and writing what the Lord pressed on their heart. But notice I do know where they got their info from .. the same place where all good things come from.
But I am still perplexed that somepeople could oppose something that others have said has changed their life. And oppose it because it doesn't seem relevant to them or doesn't fit into their idea of God or the Bible... I still say - those that it makes uneasy are the ones that probably need the study the most.