I just answered the 18 love question bulletin in My Space ... only because Shanna said I had to. :-) One question was what song do you want played at your wedding. So that prompted me to get out the CD of the song that I walked down the aisle to... "I've Dreamed of You" by Barbara Streisand. I sat here, played the song and big giant tears welled up and poured down my face. I so love that man..... and I am trying so hard to get to a place that I feel safe to show him that again. I remember how we were.... I couldn't keep my hands off of him. I couldn't stop looking at him .... I couldn't stop smiling. I want so badly to be there again... before it all went bad. Before the enemy came in and stole it all away. And now I stiffen when he holds me...
But my Jesus has promised me that no matter what - His Love will sustain me. And maybe I needed to go through all of that - just so I would know what real love is. A love that is far better than anything I can find on this earth. A love that reaches down to my very soul and fills me up.
But, I still want to be able to show John that I still love him... and it's not a love like it was in the beginning..... it's more - it's deeper... it's better... and I want to show him.......
Last night in our study, the leader on the DVD said that Jesus will bring up our past hurts on purpose... but He will do it in a safe enviornment so that He can come in and rescue us. That happens sometimes daily to me. One day I WILL be past this fear of rejection.
On a much better note: His rescue yesterday -- Tara came to my office at the church and said, "Let's go to lunch!" I knew something was up but was pleased to go. She has been so busy with the opening of the house and I enjoy being able to talk with her. She is an amazing woman and I learn so much from her. So, while we were talking small talk I still felt something was up. The enemy kept telling me that she was letting me go... and I was believing it. But God had a better plan. Tara said that in her morning prayers He told her that I shouldn't be doing the books for Community's Child... but instead I need to be doing something that I liked. And then Tara offered me the position of Event's Coordinator! All events (except for the major fundraisers) will be coordinated by me!
Wow... never saw that coming... but what an awesome feeling of acceptance and appreciation!!
Yep... His love is so grand!!!
1 comment:
Woo-Hoo... Events coordinator. Good for you.
And, you know how I feel about you showing love to that man of yours... he's good people Cassi. And I'm glad you want him to know it. :)
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