Do your words benefit those that listen?

I get a daily Bible scripture sent to me from The Daily Bible Verse. Today's scripture was Proverbs 12:14 - NIV From the fruit of his lips a man is filled with good things as surely as the work of his hands rewards him.

What I like most about the emails is that there is always commentary to go along with it. Today's commentary was:

Our mouths and our hands both produce a product. It is their "fruit." Wise words bring rewards just as hard work does.

Our words should be used to honor God and build up others in the truth.

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." - Ephesians 4:29

Do your words benefit those who listen?

Hmmm... very interesting question I thought. And I would have to answer no, not always.

Especially lately, watching Jake's baseball games. Jake is playing on a Rookie league. It is designed for those that were not quite ready for the "big" league so they can get extra attention and training before they move up. In this league, everyone is supposed to play regardless of ability. Jake is doing well and is right where he needs to be as far as the decision for him to be in the rookie division. My problem is with the favoritism that I see the coach showing to his own son.

The coaches son plays on the team - and he is a pretty good player - I won't take that away from him. But, he jumps ahead in batting order, he walks around with an attitude of superiority (my dad is the coach!), he gets away with things in the dugout that other kids would get in trouble with... But my biggest pet peeve is that he is rewarded for playing this team sport like he is the only kid on the field!!! The coach has created a reward system for the boys ... if they do extra good in the game then they receive a game ball at the end of the game. The 4 with the most game balls at the end of the season get gift certificates to different places.

For one, the coach doesn't wait til the end of the game to decide who should get a ball for the game - so if you do something extra ordinary in the 3rd inning, too bad. But, his son will leave his position and go all the way across the field to get a ball, pushing others out of the way, and then will run the ball to the base (instead of throwing it to the base) - just so he can be rewarded with the out! And instead of the coach telling him to stay in his place or to throw the ball - he rewards him for getting so many outs!!! There have been times when it was clearly Jake's ball but Jake has said, why try - Jonathan got it and he won't throw it....

Baseball is a team sport!!!!!!!!

And it is soooo clear that the other mom's in the stands are smooching up to the team mom and coach - when Jonathan is at bat or does something on the field you would think that it's Mickey Mantle or Babe Ruth out there...

Well, one mom doesn't do it - she walked up to us at the last game and said, "I don't want to sound whatever, but this is 2 innings and I haven't seen my son playing." No, when the coach switched out the kids playing the outfield, everyone had to come in but the coaches son... and this other boy had to sit out.

Sigh.... so back to the scripture... I try so hard to keep my mouth shut while in the stands... but sometimes I just can't stand it anymore... it drives me crazy!!!

Lately, I have been reduced to making some comments that were not helpful or beneficial at all.... for example: The team mom was telling us about the Easter event that they have at the park... that they have an Easter egg hunt and then she mentioned that the kids win stuff (she didn't say how) but she said that it seems strange to her that the President of the Leagues' kid always wins something big every year and her kid never wins anything.... So, of course I said - Gosh, don't you just hate it when people play favorites? I can't stand favoritism!!!

I know that I have made comments in the stands about Jonathan going all the way across the field... or refusing to throw the ball. All I am supposed to be saying is positive things - but man is it hard. Guess God really knew what he was doing when he put Jake here... guess it's time for some character refining...

So, my scripture for the next 2 weeks is:
"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." - Ephesians 4:29

STOLEN!!!

Man I hate thieves.... and it is especially bad when someone you know and trusts robs you....

Christopher met someone a few years ago who had - let's say, I questionable life. We believed that he wanted to get it together and was on the right path so we welcomed him into our home and offered him love and support.

He was living with a foster parent when we met him.... somewhere along the path they had it out and he left the home. He was of age - and there was nothing anyone could do about it. So, he chose a life living on the streets and doing whatever he had to do to get by. When he made this choice, Christopher and he grew apart but we have heard from him now and then and if anyone of us see him walking, we stop and offer him a ride.

The last few weeks he has been seen walking down our street.... and Sunday evening, Christopher received a call from him saying he was on the block and wanted to stop by. Christopher was out for a walk with a neighbor... he told him that he would be home in a few. Well, when Christopher got home, his "friend" was not here - and neither was Christopher's car.

So, we called and reported it stolen... and basically thought it was a done deal. The next morning, his "friend" showed up at our house with an old wallet Christopher had in the car... saying he knew where the car was and FOR $800 WE COULD BUY BACK OUR OWN CAR!!!!

Yep, you read right... he said he was being a good friend to Christopher and stayed up all night looking for the car and talked to someone who knew someone and found the car in a chop shop about to be taken apart - but since he is such a good friend, he had them stop and can take them money and they will release the car.

Well, Christopher thought that maybe he could get more out of this boy if they were alone - so they went for a walk. I called the police. In about 10 minutes time, 7 police cars and a helicopter were at my house. They had both the boys stopped and handcuffed down the street.

About 20 minutes later, they released them... yes - BOTH of them... and the cops left. Left without telling me anything!!! So, right after that John arrived at home....

John confronted the boy (even though he is 19 I can't bring myself to call him a man)... and asked him if he by chance had told the cops that he brought back the wallet and and had shared with us the exact details of what is inside the trunk of the car. "Uh... no... ", was his reply. So, John called the police back.

One car arrived - and we added that info to the story... still they didn't take him in... The only reason we can think of why they didn't was because they are wanting to watch him. Since he said it's at a chop shop, they informed us that it is now a federal offense... and a much bigger deal than just a punk kid stealing a car for a joy ride.

So, now we wait til we can get in contact with a Auto Detective... to make sure they know the whole story... and see what they do from there.

I did find out that the car was fully insured.... so if it is not recovered, we will be offered something... but of course, not enough to buy another car.

You know, at one time in my life that kind of drama would have been ok... but now, I am soooo over it.... sorry kid - you need to go to jail.

Where have I been?

It feels like forever since I have been here... wow so much has been going on.

My sister has been here in town for a while now. She will be leaving this Sunday to go home. I will miss her terribly. I don't think she is quite ready to go home but her best friend back home is very very sick.... At last weekends retreat my sister accepted Jesus as her Savior!!! Praise God - wow that was the greatest birthday present ever (followed closely by a great trip to Disneyland - aaahhhhh!!!!). But now she is going home to see her friend that is not expected to live much longer. I said to my sister that she has great news for her friend and she said that her friend doesn't talk about religion.... hmmm - that doesn't sound good to me. So, please pray for my sister that she has the boldness to speak to her friend about Christ and her eternal home after leaving this temporary one... and that her friend's heart is softened to listen..... OH... and a miracle wouldn't be too bad too! :)

Tomorrow is opening day with Eastview Little League. We are beginning the baseball season.... I'm not looking forward to opening ceremonies (even though it is rumored that the mayor will be there)... but I am looking forward to the upcoming games!! We figured that the games would all be weekend days when John is working and he would miss them. We were told at sign ups that there might be a chance of Sunday games. We prayed there wouldn't be any - but had resolved that Jake would have to miss those games if it coincided with church. Not only do we NOT have any Sunday games on the schedule - but 1/2 the games are Monday mid day games - that John can attend!!!!! God is so good to work out the details when we are ready to honor Him.

Well, morning will come all too quickly.... OH - and tomorrow is the last day of the month - so new scriptures are due soon!!!

Check up & Follow up...

Hey there.... how's it going??? 8 days in - are we all still in this?? I sure hope that no one has listened to the enemy and believed the nonsense that this is not only necessary but vital.

If you haven't been to Beth's blog yet - I strongly suggest you check it out!! Beth has posted a video tutorial to help us in this journey... it's little over 15 minutes and full of great info. She goes over a acrostic to help us remember the verses... R-E-N-E-W... go find out what it stands for...

I wasn't planning on getting index cards ... but I think that I have changed my mind. I want to be able to look back at the end of the year and see the progress in a very tangible way...although I pray that I will also be able to see the progress in a not so tangible way.

On a different note... I *think* that Christopher has figured out that this girl is not the one for him. His uncle spoke to him ... and to her separately and basically told them both that they need to stay away from each other. She needs to stop leading him on and he needs to get on with life. Thanks for the prayers and pep talks/words of wisdom... but please, keep praying - he's not home yet.

I'm currently having a cup of hot tea... Holiday Tea - Sugar Cookie Sleigh Ride... my sister bought it and I decided to have a cup because I am missing her. I can't really go into details - but if you remember - could you please pray for her?... basically life is not playing fair... but she sure could use some Jesus.

Well... let me know what's up with you...

Young Love....

Well, I have mostly female readers... so I wonder if you would help me out and answer me a question.

My son is head over heals in love with a girl that does not feel the same way about him. He said that "she acts one way but then tells me that we are just friends." hmmm....

Although I am the oldest one of the bunch - it wasn't that long ago that I was 15 (her age). And I do recall this happening a couple of times... and how it didn't take me long to figure out just how much I liked the attention ... which lead to finding out just how far I could get the boy to do what I wanted (buy me this, get me that, take me here...)and then finding out just how much I liked that power.

Christopher swears - "she is not like that"... she is "amazing". Yeah... maybe, maybe not...

So, is it / was it just me??? Or are there other females out there that have had this same experience??? Any male readers want to add something - go ahead.

I should know better by now...

than to get into a conversation with my mom about my parenting.

The first time - I actually asked the question, "Mom, do you think I am a good parent?" And after she "ummed" for a few moments, she began to tell me that "No, I believe that Jake could be kept cleaner. His fingernails usually need to be cut and they are always dirty."

That was it - that was how she summed up my parenting. Jake's fingernails.

Well, the other day she was commenting on my niece (the one that stays at the bar all hours of the day and night) .. and her parenting. She said of her, "well - I can say one thing, she always keeps her children clean."

So, under my breath, I said - "I guess that makes her a better parent than me." I knew that it shouldn't have been said out loud... but it was... I couldn't take it back no matter how hard I tried. She asked me what I said, and I said nothing - but she had heard it... got mad and got out of the car.

Today she came over and asked me, "Is there something bothering you in your life?"

My reply - "well, isn't there something bothering most people in their life? Is there something specific you are referring to?"

So, then she brought up yesterday's conversation and as a Christian how could I not be happy that someone has something nice said about someone else? I thought, "so, now I am a bad mom and a bad Christian"...I was smart enough not to say that one out loud.

I answered "yes, I said that but it's because you said to me that I am a bad parent because I don't keep my kids clean enough."

She didn't deny that conversation but said that she did not say that I was a bad parent... I told her that "yes, in fact, she did." More denial...

I then told her that she is very critical of me and nothing I ever do is good enough... she left.

Whenever my mom comes to my house she has to make sure that she inspects each and every room... she makes up some excuse as to why she has to be in my bedroom standing there looking around. She goes through the kids drawers to make sure they are neat and orderly... she counts my husbands clothes to make sure they are all there (and not left in his truck like he has a habit of doing)... she looks in my refrigerator and freezer to see if I have too much food (yes you read right - it drives her crazy if my freezer is full)...she will open my washer and dryer to see if I have clothes left in there... my sister has even caught her going through my trash to look for receipts so she can see what we buy....She is inspecting my home and summing up my job as a wife and a mother....

If she finds anything she doesn't like - she takes it upon herself to fix it. I have come home with everything in my freezer or fridge lined up on my kitchen counter ... so that she can check all the dates and then I can put it all back in correctly...

And I guess the worst part of it all is that she has done this even before she has said hello to anyone! I beg her - please come over to VISIT... spend time with Jake.. talk to Christopher... Don't clean my house!!! I'm not talking about in a time of crisis or when I am sick - lending a hand and helping me out... I'm talking just any 'ol random day she feels that she can and has to take upon herself MY house...

I guess it seems that I am talking about 2 different issues here - but it really sums up into one... She thinks that I am not capable of doing anything on my own.... whatever it is that I do do - it's not good enough.

I'm pretty sure that is why I strive so hard to prove to the world just the opposite .... well, I don't know where I'm going anymore other than just to vent.... but at least you know now why I am so neurotic at times....

A Better Explanation (hopefully)

Let me begin by saying that I do not hate anyone...and am I am not in a place of judgment over ANYone's life. I have someone very close to me (name withheld because I did not get previous permission to use it) that is homosexual. I LOVE HIM - DEARLY. I love his partner as well. It would be very sad and in fact would upset me greatly if he was sick and his partner was not allowed to be by his side in the hospital. They have been together for longer than I can remember and for that reason do think that one should be allowed on the others insurance. That is not my issue...

What I am upset with is how the schools are going farther and farther to take away parental rights. Just like the school has to get permission to hand out an aspirin but can advise and even help a girl obtain an abortion... this is going too far.

In Mass schools ARE teaching about same sex marriages in kindergarten... Parents are not being notified ahead of time and if they want to opt their child out - they can't. That is not right. For many people (you may disagree) but for many people this is a morality issue - and that should be taught at home. Watch this video for what happened to this father when he tried to step into his child's education.

In California - same sex marriage was put out for the voters. It didn't pass. It didn't pass by a HUGE majority. But 4 judges thought they knew better than the voters and overturned the decision. And now it IS being taught here in elementary schools. Here are three news articles to support what I say. article 1 article 2 article 3


I don't remember either of my children being taught about a marriage between a man and a woman in public school - why does this need to be taught???

EDIT: I am glad to report that although the first emails that I have received were hateful and spiteful - to date I have received far more emails with kindness and actually asking for more information... so I guess it worked out in the long run!

I Chased the Lion!!!

Seized the day.... lived for the moment... Well - that's how Nicky described it anyway.

We went to the park yesterday after Academy Day... the kids were playing, mom's were talking... then most of the mom's left and I was alone with John and Jake - who both had brought their skateboard. Yes - John has his very own skateboard... so I was encouraging him to go off and make the loop around the park with his son. His reply - no, there are still a few mom's over there and they will look at me. Whatever... come on Jake - let's go!

So, we went to the top of the hill... then I walked down the hill and got on the skateboard (didn't say I was crazy)... and got on - not really realizing that the hill was not completely over... picking up speed rather quickly (hoping I didn't run over Jake), I made it all the around the back side of the park, around the curve and then up the right side (where all the mom's who were left began to cheer for me!)... A few pushes later, I made it back to the beginning! It was a bit scary but I did it!! The rest of the moms left so John then made a lap with Jake.

We sat for a while talking about their skateboards and I made the comment that we all 3 stand on the board differently. John said that yes, he had noticed that and that my stance was all wrong. He urged me to stand on his board again to feel the difference of my stance and his... but when I got on - I didn't know that I was again on slight of an incline... and not prepared to ride! I had things in my hands and off balance... I rode (again picking up speed) wondering how am I going to stop? John yelled to me - ride off into the grass! So, I did - only to have the board abruptly stop sending me flying face first into the mud. I got up dusted myself off knowing that I was bumped and bruised but for the most part ok.

OK, OK ... so maybe skateboarding isn't what the author was talking about... and maybe, just maybe I am a bit too old for this hobby... but I am still a bit proud of myself none the less.

THANK YOU LORD!!!

Christopher went to see the play Sunday night... after the play he talked with one of the cast members. I don't know what this guy said to him... but by the time Christopher got home - he had changed his mind! He told me that Ron had helped him see just how stupid he was being. And he was canceling his plane trip.

He did tell me that (as I had suspected) that a lot of this was about a girl... who just found out that since he has been home - already has gotten a boyfriend. He was planning on moving there and changing her mind.

He was crushed. And I reminded him - she is only 15 son. The wind blows and the moods change... poor boy.

Am I making him a prodigal?

I just got home from dress rehearsal... and on the way home I was listening to Focus on the Family. They had a speaker who was talking about prodigals. But it wasn't the usual story - it was a challenge to those of us who have judged someone into becoming a prodigal. Without the criticism most likely they would have never left...

He went on to speak to parents: Watch out that we are not missing out on the good things that our kids are doing because all we can see is the bad. Yes, they are trying your last nerve with some of their actions or what they chose to wear ... but the other day when they showed kindness to the stranger? - that was the behavior that Jesus is looking for. He is not having committee meetings about someones clothes or their style of worship.

Another note to parents. Drop the guilt. Stop worrying about how others are judging your parenting. After all - we have the perfect Father with a book full of examples of His children turning away from Him.

Bottom line: He told 2 stories of people that he met in his life - that although they were very conservative in their own behavior, their heart knew no boundaries on who to love. They did not compromise on their beliefs but it did not stop them from loving someone... boldly, physically, plainly.... looking past the sagging pants or the hair - and just giving them a hug.

So, now I have to question myself and my own actions... have I been too critical? Have I shown him just how much I love him? Just how wonderful I think he is? How talented and gifted he is? How much greatness I see in him?? What a blessing he has been to my life?

Probably not... all I have been able to see is that hat...

Today was a good day...

WooHoo!! It's a good day... Mom is home... and Christopher starts his first job tomorrow morning. It's a part time temporary job.. but it's a start. We have been talking about the AirForce to him and he says that it sounds interesting... but who knows what's really going on in that kids head.

I'm teaching in Beginners Church tomorrow... Paul in Silas in jail. This is one of the reasons I love to teach... because I learn (or at least am reminded) right along with the kids. I'm sure you know the story -- Paul in Silas thrown in jail for telling others about Jesus... they begin to praise Him even in what seems to the lowest of lows for them.... they begin to praise Him. They were now free from the house of bondage... And the best part - God was able to use their freed spirits to save a man and his family.

Yep - it's a good day indeed...

Mom/Son/Trip Update

Today's blood work shows that mom's pancreas situation is getting worse - and it has spread to her liver. I say situation since they still don't know really what "this" is. They have several theories: 1- a small stone they can't see on the CT scan; 2 - scarring in the sphincter muscle from the gallbladder; 3 - the bile duct(s)closing up. If it's #3 - they don't know why it's doing that. At any case tomorrow or Friday they will be transporting her to Torrance to have an ERCP done... (where they go down with a scope, a balloon and a grabber to see, enlarge ducts and extract whatever is in the way). I guess we will know more after that.

Christopher is still planning on moving although I am told by everyone in Texas that they are telling him that this is not a good plan and that he should not do it. I guess we will see what happens when mid October gets here (that's when he says he is going) - since they say they are not funding the trip to get him there. Right now, I am praying for the Air Force. I have been told by 3 people of their experience and training they received there - and it sounds great.

I was planning on taking a vacation the first part of October to go to the East coast with my mom and sister to visit family and see where my mom grew up... but East coast family has said that it is not a good time (with the above 2 things - they are probably right). So, it looks like my sister is coming here to visit instead!

So, in all cases - looking for God's will and plans to be carried out.

My heart is ripping in two....

Christopher is making plans to move to Texas.... making these plans behind my back. Running away from a girl here - to a girl there... and using everything I say to him as an excuse to make it all right.

I feel like such a failure...

Being his mom has been such of a fight - right from the beginning. Right after he was born I had a gallbladder attack and went into the hospital for 12 days... then I was released - had another attack and went back in the hospital for another 12 days. Both times - my mother-in-law convinced my husband that he shouldn't bring the baby to see me. When I was released we moved in with her for 6 weeks because I wasn't supposed to lift anything heavy. So... the first 3 months of his life he was held by her...

I then went back to work - she watched him and he drew closer to her. He would cry when I came to pick him up. It was torture.

We moved into another house that wasn't so close to her and things got better. Our relationship grew... and then his dad walked out. So then it was me and him... I felt at times it was Christopher and me against the world.... many things happened but the constant thing was us. It came a time when I needed to work to get myself out of debt so he had to move back into his grandmothers.... for a year I worked and would see him when I could ... until finally he asked me why he couldn't stay with me. I hold onto that moment - at that moment I knew my son loved me.

Over the years - I thought we were drawing closer.... I thought... I have watched him grow and change.... I have watched him accept the Lord into his life... I have watched him learn and thought he was on a path to right choices... he has so much potential... but he is ready to squander it all away...

He has no job... a high school education... no skills... no plan... but he's 18.

I know that I made a lot of these same choices in life... and that is what scares me... I did have a plan - was in college but I allowed stupidity (mainly in the form of a boy) to change the whole course of my life. I want so much more for him.... it is really breaking my heart to watch him do this... and there is nothing I can do about it.

Nothing but stand by and cry...

I have felt for a long time that God has a calling for his life... and sometimes I wonder if it is that pressure that Christopher is running from. I know that he is smart - I know that he knows deep down that what he is doing is wrong - at the very least it doesn't make sense. But maybe the pressure and guilt for not stepping up and into the calling is what he is really running from... I don't know.

But ultimately it makes me not even want to try with the younger one. For 18 years, everything that I have taught Christopher has been refuted by his father... the structure and instruction has been seen by many as nothing by my desire to control. In fact what it was my deep deep love for my son....

Although John has come such a long way as a husband and father... this is one thing that we still battle with. I tell Jake one thing and he is taught quite the opposite by his father... I really don't want to do this again... maybe I should just put him into public school ... get busy(er) with my own life... and let his father raise him. Why try - What is the point of it all????

Man It Bites When Your Mom is Right!

Had a long talk with Christopher the other night. One of our topics of conversation was the girl here in CA that he has been somewhat interested in. I for the longest time have been telling him that girls at this point in life are just a waste of time. Nothing against girls - after all I am one. But because I am - I know what goes on in the head of a 16 yr old girl....ALOT. The wind can blow and the mood will change. And I (being a mom) don't think that this is anything that my son needs to confuse his already confused head with.... (Side note: this is BTW the same thing I tell the teenage girls in my life about boys!) But he is 18 now... so I have loosened the strings (some anyway).

And back to our conversation the other night.... I asked him - "So, have you been keeping in touch? What's going on with her?" And he said, "Yeah, we talk all the time. But.... (long pause) I don't know about her." "Why son?" "Well, because you just never know what your gonna get. One minute she is fine and the next ...well."

At this point I couldn't help it... I just couldn't. I laughed so hard that I think at one point I actually snorted. I caught my breath and then... "Man it bites when your mom is right..." He laughed, "yeah... it does, it really does."

Taking Jesus to Backyards everywhere!

Our 5 Day Clubs have come to an end... here's some pics and video of the great time we had this week!!

5 Day Clubs

We have been blessed to have been put in contact with a group from Oregon who are doing 5 Day Clubs. These kids are really great... Our leader was telling me about one of the girls - who joined this group without knowing one person. She decided that she wanted to do something for Jesus so she gave up her summer and stepped out into the unknown - and has been blessed beyond measure. I love that that is how our amazing God works...

We had 10 kids the first night and 8 last night. Two of the boys took all the flyers and said they will be handing them out today at summer school!!! I won't be able to be with them tonight (play practice) but I look forward to hearing about another great turnout!!

I really wish I could show you pictures of the kids playing the games or singing the silly songs... but I still can't find the extra battery or battery charger for my camera... :-(

EDIT: Tuesday: 10 boys tonight and 1 little girl who was having nothing to do with those boys.... but 2 of the boys were saved tonight!!! WOOHOO!!!

Habits Don't Form Overnight

I wrote about this once before - back on May 1st. = I think we have a conclusion...

Jake has been having Night Terrors for the last 2 months. He has been waking up in the middle of the night - eyes wide open but not awake - screaming at the top of his lungs about snakes, bugs or other creepy crawlers all over him and his bed. He has no fear during the day - remembers very little of what happened the night before and goes to bed the next night with no problems. But night after night, there is something attacking him.

I finally told Pastor John about the Night Terrors on Sunday. He prayed for Jake a very short and simple prayer that God would take these fears away. That night when going to bed, John said to Jake, "Good night buddy, I hope you don't have any bad dreams tonight."

Jake replied, "I won't. Pastor John prayed for me." Ahhhh ... the faith of a child. If we could all be like that. He went to bed with no fear that night - in fact he kinda strided off to bed with confidence - and had his first full night of sleep in over 2 months. And... he had another last night. Yes - praise be to God.

I have been questioning God lately... about these terrors... about how my mom could be sick and in the hospital on Christopher's graduation day... Questioning His timing...

And then on Sunday - we were singing "He Reigns"

Our God
Is an awesome God
He reigns from heaven above
With wisdom, power and love
Our God is an awesome God
Our God is an awesome God

When I hit that word - wisdom... He reigns with wisdom.... I had to hang my head and ask for forgiveness. How could I possibly question Him - the Creator of Heaven and Earth? How could I possibly question His wisdom???

And in His infinite wisdom... I believe I have been able to see just why these night terrors have been happening. First I must say that I have researched the night terrors - and although they are horrific for the parents - the children rarely have any recollection of what happened and have no lasting effects.

But what it has done has create a prayer life for Jake. It has given Jake a reason to seek Him nightly... to draw Jake closer to Him... to cause Jake to want to call out to Him. Because God knows that habits don't form over night - they take time.. this has established a pattern for Jake of nightly prayer.... and not just because mom says he should... but a relationship all his own.... If that is His reason for the night terrors - then I am eternally grateful.

Who Can Be Against Me?

I have a busy week ahead so I decided that I better get my homework done while I had the chance. So - I finished ... well, probably not early - but I'm not doing it all on Wednesday right before our meeting time ... so early to me.

And wow - day 5. Maybe this will be a spoiler to some - so don't finish reading until you are done if you think so....

Paraphrasing greatly:

"Regardless of how long we've been Christian and how deeply we've studied God's Word, most of us don't really believe down in the marrow of our bones that God is entirely, wholeheartedly, and unwaveringly on our side. We are secretly convinced that although He had high hopes for His creation - we have proved to be a terrible disappointment but because he is faithful to His covenant, He is obligated to put up with us."

Yep - I've thought that... like now - God we are faithful tithers, why are we having money problems??

Throughout the study we were asked to reflect on the many times that we know would not have worked out had God NOT been on our side.

There are so many... I am blown away. Let's begin with the life that I was living back in Texas... let's just say - "I was looking for love in all the wrong places." So many dangerous situations that I put myself into - that I know HE got me out of. There is no other way that I could have afforded to move here - had it not been for God stepping in and having the company I was going to work for pay for my entire trip. My marriage seemed destined for failure - but now I have a marriage that fairy tales were written about. And then there is my son Christopher.... not only did Satan try to take him away spiritually - but then physically... and within months of each other. God not only turned a lawyer against his own client but baffled a team of doctors!

"Christ will never take us into a battle we can not win. We would have to choose defeat against our new nature. He gazes beneath our sin into the brokenness that causes us to devalue ourselves so thoroughly. He is the ultimate Prince Charming to every woman, especially the one who forgot she was Cinderella."

And then we were asked to rewrite Romans 8:28-39 as personal statements from God to us - as I Will statements.

Here's mine:

My child Cassandra,
I will make sure all things work together for your good.
I will give you all things.
I will make you like my Son.
I will glorify you.
I will give you full victory.
I will never leave you.
Love, God


So now as I battle the fear of my dear son growing up and leaving.... I have to remind myself: That He is His God too - and if He is on his side, then who can be against him?

Decisions... Decisions...

Well... where to begin ...

We will start with my good friend Nicky giving me the book - The Bait of Satan. I have been wanting to read the book for a while now ... the title is catchy and I was intrigued to find out just what the bait is. And as God's timing is always perfect - the book was handed over to me just at the right time.... just as I was playing around with the bait... nibbling on the bait... thinking very seriously of biting. But - since I had not read the book or found out what the bait was - I had no idea that that was what I was doing. I was seeking wise counsel... it didn't sound right - but it sounded righteous.

So, I get the book ... and then right on the cover it says what the bait is. Being Offended. Uggghhh. I no longer wanted to read the book. But I have begun... and wouldn't you know it - not one but 2 chapters on the very offense I have been dealing with.

Uggh again!!! Man this meat is tough to chew!!! But I have decided... that no matter how good the bait looks and maybe even tastes - I will not bite. Furthermore, I will prosper where I am planted. Just read this great line today: "Trees endure the hot sun and rainstorms by sending their roots down deeper." It doesn't say they pull up their roots and run... it doesn't cry or weep or moan... or bash another tree down ... or even hide behind another tree.... it simply says it stands in it's place and sends its roots down deeper.

I have been seeking God ... over an over about all of this... and was getting nothing. The book actually talked about that as well - that that most likely means that He wants you to DO nothing. You know nothing is not easy for me to do ... but since I decided to let it go - a huge weight was lifted and joy returned. Really what else could I do? I let my opinion be known... but after that, what really can I do about it? Submission is really a good feeling...
So, there is #1....

#2 - Since someone in Texas will soon be receiving their financial freedom (oh wait, was that biting the bait?) .. Let me rephrase that ... since our income will be lessened soon by the loss of child support income .... and we are already strapped for money.... and the phone will NOT stop ringing... and I can not possibly ask my husband to work any more hours (he would - but it's simply not possible since he already works 66 hours a week)... I must get an additional job. We have been talking at the church about the possibility of opening up a daycare center - the need is great. It would be a perfect job for me - one that enables me to continue to homeschool Jake in the fall like I want. I have been looking into the requirements .... oh geez the red tape you have to go through.... certifications... inspections.... conferences... paperwork, paperwork, paperwork... It's all doable ... but it all takes time. Open without doing all of that and it's a $200 a day fine. So, if that happens it will not be overnight.

I ran into Yvonne (our fabulous Pampered Chef lady) the other day... and we were talking... and I do know she makes money at what she does while still being around for her kids.. so I have decided to sign up. Yep.... I'm your new Pampered Chef consultant.... I labored over the decision... Carol just recently signed up - would we be competing for people??? Would anyone want me instead of Yvonne??? I don't know the answer to either of those questions... but I have to do something to bring in money. I do love the product... should be easier to sell than candles...

So, there is #2....

There is other stuff going on ... that is really fighting to steal the joy that I just received... honestly, the bait was presented like an hour later after I had made decision #1. GRRRRRR..... dang satan.... (spell check says I should capitalize that.. I don't think so) But thank you Jesus... I think it is working out... this one regards the soon to be 18 yr old and the family in Texas that is trying to tell him that he no longer needs to be under my authority... (and then attempted to give me parenting advise.) He swears he is telling them that is not right - that he does and is under my authority as long as he lives here.... but I don't know.... I think I'm gonna let John deal with this one.

I think I need to go to the doctor...

or maybe I need to hire (with my imaginary money) a drill Sargent....

I am sooooo tired..... I slept til 10:30 today... something is wrong with me...

Or maybe it is because I am not busy enough? The only thing I had waiting for me to do today when I got up is laundry.... oh - and catch up on my Bible study... (and in that I mean do the whole weeks worth today)

Other things going on:

Christopher is turning 18 on June 10th... and is graduating high school on the 13th (I should be ordering or creating some kind of announcement/invitation). I need to get on the ball and decide on what kind of party we are having (that you all are invited to) He is leaving tomorrow night to fly to Houston to attend a friends prom this weekend. He has his Biola prom on the 23rd... I have until Friday to pay for that... and then get a tux for him in a week. (that paragraph all costs a lot of money)

Christopher's grandfather is coming for his graduation... yes, his grandfather - not his father... jerk. But I think that was part of Christopher's doing - from what I gather he persuaded his dad not to come. I think if the table were turned - he could try to persuade me all he wanted - there is no way I would miss my son's graduation.

Jake just received a progress report from school. He has taken some 3rd quarter assessment tests... and scored perfect scores on all of them! On reading - he is reading 64.5 words/min with fluency being 40 .. I guess that's good huh? The only thing she thinks he needs help in is handwriting, spelling and making good use of his time - his effort is inconsistent.... what a coincidence - the same 3 things I need help in...

Child support is being cut off ... and I am freaking out a little about that. I think I need to get another p/t job... at least for the summer... I'm getting that sinking feeling and I don't like it.

The lady that runs the horse rescue farm in Wisconsin has been writing the story about a horse that she rescued. I read the story and sit and cry like a baby... I so badly want to be there...

Maybe I can't get up and get going because I am bored with my life.... there is a lot going on... always is... but .... I don't know - something is missing...

Well, it's 12:30 and John is on his way home from work to work on his pop up trailer... guess I should get dressed.....