The Self Feeder

I was talking to someone the other day and he reminded me that it is not anyone else's job to grow me up in God's Word. It is mine and mine alone. I had some quite time alone today so... I thought I would make good use of it. A dear friend of mine gave me this workbook some time ago. It's called the Self Feeder. One of the pastors at her church put it together. It has a plan to get through the New Testament, Psalms and Proverbs in a year. Yes I know there are lots of plans and I have tried some but most are just too much. I feel that I am trying to cram in so much information that I miss what God is trying to tell me. This plan takes it one small bite at a time. But it's not just about the reading plan. There are journal pages with the same questions for every day's reading.

What is the Key Verse for you in the reading.
Write out the verse.
What does it mean to me?
What is the breakthrough thought?
How can I apply it to my life?
What do I need to tell God today?

I opened up the plan today's reading list. For today, Oct 9th - it was Psalm 44-45. At first I was thinking - wow how things change from one minute to the next. Psalm 44 is talking about how they are wondering where God is and then in Psalm 45 they are talking about welcoming the bride.
But then Psalm 45:10, 11b jumped out at me. "Listen, O daughter. Consider and incline you ear; forget your people also, and your father's house... because He is your Lord worship him.

Hmmm.... interesting....

So, what does this mean to me? It's not about the place of worship but it's WHO I worship.
What is the breakthrough thought? Not sure.... is God trying to tell me to move on?
How can I apply it to my life? Worship Him where ever I am.
What do I need to tell God today? Dear Lord, I want to be where You are and want to be doing what You want me to be doing.

He cares...

I wrote briefly about this on Facebook ... and I haven't blogged in forever... so I thought maybe I could expand here....

Waaaaayyyy back in 1983 (yes, some of you weren't even born yet) I was in high school. I was in the drama club - we were called Thespians. On stage was really the only place I ever felt I "belonged". Until one day....

We were holding auditions for "Oklahoma"... I wanted a part in this musical so bad... but knew that singing wasn't something that I was particularly good at. Someone told me that I could maybe get the part of the grandmother since she had a rough voice - so I thought I would give it a shot. The bad part was - the director wanted everyone to try out for two parts. So, the other song I learned was for the lead. I practiced and practiced... and very nervously I got up on stage for my turn. I knew there was no way I would ever get the lead ... but that is the song he wanted me to start with. So, the music started - I started singing... and then I saw his face. It was terrible. I was terrible. I stopped - told the sound guy to stop the music and walked off stage. The director said "thanks" and I knew that thanks wasn't for auditioning but for stopping the audition.

I love to sing... always have. And to make things worse - my mother has the most beautifully natural and gifted singing voice that I have ever heard. But she also has the lowest self confidence and biggest set of stage fright ever - so won't sing in public (if people are focused on her) ... put a mic in front of her and forget it! Sooooo many people have told her throughout her life that she is wasting the gift that she was given... and soooo many times I have wished that I could have just a piece of that gift because I (in case you didn't know) am not afraid to be in front of people.

Well, I got the job of stage manager for that musical and all future musicals... And life happened and I gave up the dream of ever being able to sing on stage.

Fast forward many years later and I find myself in church. Sunday after Sunday singing my heart out to my Lord that has saved me from soooo many things... and little by little - do my ears deceive me or does it sound like my voice is getting better? I know that we hear ourselves much differently than others hear us... but I would often do the little cup thing over my ear and listen - could it be???

Now, please don't think I am vain or think that "I'm all that"... I know there is no way I could ever sing a solo... but it dawned on me - He knew... He remembered... I was reminded again about just how much He cares... He truly cares about the desires of our heart.

So, when Pastor James asked me if I would be interested in helping with kids worship - I said YES! - even though I knew that meant possible humiliation.... and seeing that same look on the faces of many people that I saw on the face of my director so many years ago. But, I love worship, I love the kids, and so want the kids to feel the joy of true worship... and I needed to test this out...

The big day came... and even though I was singing along to a video and had many voices singing along with me... I asked a few people that I thought would tell me the truth. OK..."Be honest - how was it?" I was hoping that people didn't think that I was fishing for compliments (and that is NOT the reason for this blog) but I needed to see... was it just wishful thinking??? Or was my voice really not that bad? I really hope that those who I asked were honest with me... of course, the enemy wants to tell me they weren't and and are all presently laughing about me behind my back.

But, I have more faith than that in my God.... I do believe that when we honestly seek after Him... He will give us the desires of our heart. (Psalm 37:4) The Amplified Bible adds in that He will give you the desires and secret petitions of your heart. But like how the New Century Version begins the verse - Enjoy serving the Lord, and He will....

Dear Lord, it is nothing but joy in serving You..... I thank you again for always being faithful. This desire wasn't provided according to my timetable - but Yours. And I thank You for that as well. You knew exactly when I would best appreciate it and would know it was from You.

GOD IS FAITHFUL!

Well, as most of you probably know - we have been wanting to move into a larger place to live. We have been looking for a few months.... a few maybes but nothing has panned out.

We looked at another home on Saturday evening. A 3 bedroom, 2 bath, 2 car garage... nice size living room, dining room, kitchen, inside laundry... private back yard. I got there first and ended up talking to the owner for about an hour before John arrived. Our conversation somehow became about how amazing God is. We both agreed and had many testimonies to share with each other about His continued faithfulness.

John arrived, we liked the house - and it all of a sudden became clear that the owner was offering the house to us - with out us even filling out an application. In fact, she didn't even know our last name! Then, I asked how much the deposit is. I was expecting, to hear 2 times the rent as I had heard on so many others. No, she wanted, 2 times the rent PLUS $1000 deposit. Oh yikes... that's $4800! John never worries about money and said no problem. I on the other hand - worried.

This morning, I worried some more and thought it best that I be honest with her. So, I called her and told her that we just couldn't possibly come up with that much money. I'm so sorry but we will have to decline. She said that she would take the $1900 for the last month, $950 for the first month since we won't be getting the keys til the 15th and only $500 deposit. What? That's $1500 off ?!?!!?!? Oh wow... um... OK?

Well, John and I have been saving up money for this but thought that it might be inevitable that we take out the money I have in an old 401K/IRA account. We knew that there would be huge penalties and taxes but that is the only place we knew we could come up with more cash fast. I really didn't want to lose 1/2 of that to taxes... hmmmm.... We have the $1900 saved, don't have to pay the $950 til the 15th... where to find $500 right now?

Then, I remembered that I had 2 paychecks that I had not cashed that were a little over $100 each... so now where to find the other $250? "Something" told me - check the mail... and as God has done for me so many times in the past - there it was, a check for $260...

Man, is God good or what?

So, the next question is - who's ready to help us move?????

Where have I been?

It feels like forever since I have been here... wow so much has been going on.

My sister has been here in town for a while now. She will be leaving this Sunday to go home. I will miss her terribly. I don't think she is quite ready to go home but her best friend back home is very very sick.... At last weekends retreat my sister accepted Jesus as her Savior!!! Praise God - wow that was the greatest birthday present ever (followed closely by a great trip to Disneyland - aaahhhhh!!!!). But now she is going home to see her friend that is not expected to live much longer. I said to my sister that she has great news for her friend and she said that her friend doesn't talk about religion.... hmmm - that doesn't sound good to me. So, please pray for my sister that she has the boldness to speak to her friend about Christ and her eternal home after leaving this temporary one... and that her friend's heart is softened to listen..... OH... and a miracle wouldn't be too bad too! :)

Tomorrow is opening day with Eastview Little League. We are beginning the baseball season.... I'm not looking forward to opening ceremonies (even though it is rumored that the mayor will be there)... but I am looking forward to the upcoming games!! We figured that the games would all be weekend days when John is working and he would miss them. We were told at sign ups that there might be a chance of Sunday games. We prayed there wouldn't be any - but had resolved that Jake would have to miss those games if it coincided with church. Not only do we NOT have any Sunday games on the schedule - but 1/2 the games are Monday mid day games - that John can attend!!!!! God is so good to work out the details when we are ready to honor Him.

Well, morning will come all too quickly.... OH - and tomorrow is the last day of the month - so new scriptures are due soon!!!

Anyone Out There?

Today's the 15th... time for a new scripture... How did you do on the last one? Honestly - I think I got about 90% of it... I know that I got the meat of it and the meaning behind it... I THINK that is what is the most important part... ??

Here's mine:
Romans 5: 3-5
We also have joy with our troubles, because we know that these troubles produce patience. And patience produces character, and character produces hope. And this hope will never disappoint us, because God has poured out His love to fill our hearts. He gave us His love through the Holy Spirit, whom God has given to us.

A few reminders from Beth:
1. Choose a Scripture you yourself really need. If you don’t have one picked out and you feel like you could really use the one I’m memorizing, please feel free to join me and don’t feel lame. That’s what mentors in Christ are for.

2. Limit your comment to your Scripture (entirely written out even if you’re joining me with mine) and your name and city. Remember to add your translation abbreviation because many of your sisters may want to look up your verse and won’t know where to find it otherwise. I know it’s hard not to leave further comments but it’s so much cooler to read one Scripture after another as we go through the post. You did such a great job following this instruction last time. Truly it was one of the most powerful things I’ve ever seen on the blog.

3. Add your verse to your spiral index cards as your second Scripture then begin the same process of memorization/meditation that you did with the first one. Once you get a bit of a handle on the second one, you will then begin doing them BOTH over and over in succession. Don’t get intimidated by this! You can do it. In fact, you’re going to thrive on it! To me, this is when it really starts getting fun and POWERFUL. I love the process of saying a number of Scriptures in a row. You’ll find that the victory is not only won in the spiritual war around us. It’s also won in that very personal war raging within us. Even if you read your two Scriptures over and over and don’t memorize them word for word, remember the primary goal is still accomplished: You are getting the Truth in your brain and holding your thoughts captive to Christ!

OK - post yours in the comments... let's get to memorizing!!

A New Land

As I read and reread the scripture that I picked for the first 2 weeks of memorization... I am trying to really look at each line ... not just memorizing words... but taking in the nourishment from My Daily Bread...

It struck me that in this verse there is a comparison in lines 10 and 12... (something else we learned from a previous Beth Moore study - how to look at scripture)

Deuteronomy 11: 10-12
10"For the land, into which you are entering to possess it, is not like the land of Egypt from which you came, where you used to sow your seed and water it with your foot like a vegetable garden.

11"But the land into which you are about to cross to possess it, a land of hills and valleys, drinks water from the rain of heaven,

12a land for which the LORD your God cares; the eyes of the LORD your God are always on it, from the beginning even to the end of the year.

I know that too many times, I have told God, "that's ok - I've got it..." and I have worked the situation. But I long to enter fully into the land that God cares for. I know that His eye is always on this little sparrow... but this verse implies to me that entering into this land requires me to do something. I have thought many times that I had done this... and maybe it's something I have to do over and over again.... but I have to fully submit to Him. Allow His plan to unfold... His way and in His time. I don't think that He expects me to just sit and do nothing but in the same time I must learn to be more watchful of His hand at work.... close my mouth and get out of His way.

Another comparison is in line 11:
a land of hills and valleys, drinks water from the rain of heaven,

The new land won't be void of ups and downs.... but this land (and this line gets me) DRINKS WATER FROM THE RAIN OF HEAVEN... I see myself in an open valley - arms outstretched.... under a downpour of rain.... knowing that it is not a scary thunderstorm but rain sent to nourish and replenish.

Thank you Lord for Your peace, Your grace, Your love and Your Word....

Anyone out there having the same experience with your memorization?

Who's With Me???

On my list of blogs that I read is Beth Moore... yep, Beth Moore has a blog. On her latest blog she has posted a challenge. (If that link doesn't work then look for her blog here on mine (list bottom right of the page)... and find the blog that is titled, "Anyone Game?"

Basically the challenge is: Memorize 2 scriptures a month. On the first and the 15th of each month... you pick a scripture that is calling to you - and you meditate on that scripture for the next 15 days... yes, you choose the scripture (You'll most easily memorize what means most to you.) - I will post a blog and you type the scripture you are led to memorize in the comments...

This looks interesting. I have been saying for a really long time that I need to buckle down and get serious about this ... I *say* I want a relationship with Jesus but really how much effort am I willing to put into that relationship??? Not much lately.... :-(

So, I am calling you to join me... one because it would be more fun with others... and two because I need the help of my sisters to keep me accountable.... (never thought I would say that one)...

From her blog:
The whole purpose of the process is to take our minds captive to the knowledge of Christ and demolish strongholds or nip potential ones in the proverbial bud. As long as those Scriptures are rolling around in your head, your mind is being held captive to Christ-centered thoughts and led away from destructive or carnal thoughts whether or not you're getting the words in the exact right order. At least three huge things happen when we memorize: our brains are bathed. Our brains are sharpened. Our ammunition is loaded.

There are more tips on her blog about how to memorize... and about the challenge...

SO - who's with me???

TRUNK OR TREAT....

Wow - what an amazing night!!! Everyone came out, decorated their cars - really got into the fun of being around children... handed out tons of candy...gave away free snowcones and burritos from Taco Bell... and SHARED THE GOSPEL!!!

We had 6 stations set up where the Wordless Book was shared one color at a time.... Gold for the streets of Gold in Heaven... then onto the dark page - where you were told, Heaven sounds great but we can't go there because there is sin in our lives... oh but wait, there IS a way - onto the red page.... where they learned of the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross for their sin....(at this stop there were huge crowds - asking questions and wanting to know more...) down the lane a bit more to the white page where they learned that Jesus rose again on the third day and wants to invite us into His family!!!... (at this stop - they were offered the chance for salvation ... and over 100 accepted!!!!) .... then on to the green page where they learned how to grow in Christ.... then finally on to the blue page where our Helper the Holy Spirit was waiting to wrap it all up....

Again .... what an amazing night... THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU - for those of you who came out and was a part of this event.... your participation helped change someone's life.

God's Appointed One

Pastor Mark Arnold in Lebanon, Ohio, wrote this true account. He first sent it out to a small handful of friends and relatives, never dreaming that, thanks to e-mail, it would travel around the world. As of today, he's heard back from 50 states, 36 nations, and several major Christian ministries and news networks, and he has received more than 11,800 e-mails.


When Arnold was asked what he felt the value was in letting this story go public, he said he is seeing people moved and coming out of the “caves” they've been in, coming alive and realizing that they need to get involved in the affairs of the nation and not sleep through this season as the church did when believers allowed prayer to be removed from schools.


Pastor Mark Arnold of Lebanon, Ohio, writes:

On Sept. 9, the McCain/Palin bus came through a little town called Lebanon, Ohio. The Lord allowed me to go to the rally [to give McCain and Palin] a message that He wanted me to personally deliver.


Sunday Night: A burden hit me that would only shake me to my knees--I prayed and wept for our nation. Never has my heart been so broken before God. I literally interceded for these wonderful people who do not deserve all the hate against them.
The God-haters are going to try everything to stop them, but they will not succeed!

God is not pleased with the “bashing” in the news of this “anointed” person [Sarah Palin]. He has called her for this time! I promised God that I would pray and hold them up in prayer. I would “listen” out and be mindful of where they were. The following day is important in this time line ... because I didn't even know until God spoke to me.


Monday and into Monday night: The burden of prayer was so heavy that I was literally shaking and could not stop weeping. I didn't know that they were coming to Ohio. I prayed and walked and wept and walked. I prayed and prayed and wept and prayed.


Tuesday at 2:00 a.m.: God spoke these words to me: “Go turn the radio on!” Immediately the reporter's words were, “McCain & Palin bus to be in Lebanon later this morning for a 10:00 a.m.
rally!”

Immediately on hearing that news, I heard God again. God said, “You are to go.
You will meet them and give them a message for Me!”

I prayed as an intercessor and went to a place in prayer that I don't think I've ever been … because the Lord had just visited me … and I knew I was on a “mission.” I had now been up since Sunday night … and now it's Tuesday and I've got to go on the “Word of the Lord.” He sure became my strength as this unfolds.


I didn't stop praying until I drove over to the town and parked the car. The news would later report they were expecting 5,000 people, [but] the actual head-count of those who had been scanned was more than 10,000 people.


I simply obeyed … and God actually told me where to stand, who to talk to … and when to be on the move. I had sure learned on the mission field, when God wants to open a door, He will do it at the appropriate time. He always has someone to assist … and even those standing beside you may just be an angel.


I struck up a conversation with an agent on the ground. He simply said, “I can't allow you to stand here!” Here is where the bus was going to actually pull up to. They had to make a much larger perimeter, so the entire area was now being moved back several blocks. The only other thing he told me to do was to go through the metal detector zone and just watch from the back. So, that's what I did.


Due to [the] sensitivity of the Internet, I can't share much of the story. As to what happened next, [it] was a definite God thing all the way.


Looking over the shoulders and backs and heads of all those people … I knew it would take a miracle for what God told me to do.


As I was standing there, two Boy Scouts came running up my back. Literally, they almost knocked me to the ground because they were running so fast behind me, up my back and over to the right. These Boy Scouts were about Junior High age. Their Scout Leader and several others were behind them, but as the two out front [were] trying to push through the crowd, saying they were late, the smaller scouts were left in their dust. The Scout Leader, who was with a McCain rep. from the State, grabbed me and told me [to] bring the other Scouts up front as they try to keep up with the first two that just came through.


I just became the leader of the rest of the Scouts to lead them right up front and center. As the rep. was shouting back at me to bring the Scouts forward, the people parted just like God parted the Red Sea.


I marched those boys right up front and to the right of the stage as one was looking from the back. When I got there I was fifteen feet from the podium. God said, “Stand here, and don't move from this spot.
”

Within five minutes the bus pulled up, and around the other side McCain, Sarah Palin and her husband, Todd, stepped up and the speeches took off. I was where God placed me … and even Sarah Palin and Todd were standing on my side of the stage. I made eye contact, I gave them thumbs-up gestures … and I knew they were just happy to see me standing there. Ha ha.


When they came around the podium and started on the other side, I knew they were coming right toward me. A little lady who stood by me, reached up and told the rep. that they had promised a picture with her because she was the one who had lost a son in Iraq recently. The rep. confirmed she would get a pic with them and they would talk to her.


When McCain came to hug her … he immediately shook my hand and following his moment with her, I shook his hand as he grabbed my hand, now for the second time, and I said, “God wants you to know that I'm praying for you, Sir!” He thanked me and kept smiling. I repeated that phrase to him five times. He grabbed my hands and looked right into my eyes and said, “I won't make it without prayer. Sir, thank you for praying for me, and don't let one day go by that you don't pray for me. I need all the prayers that I can get.
Thank you, thank you, thank you!”

As he moved to my right, Sarah Palin came over to my left side … standing over the crowd and then looking at the little lady who had lost the son. It took a moment for her to shake some hands and people were pushing in all around. Sarah came and got on her hands and knees on that side of the stage and hugged that little mom, telling her, “It was not in vain.” She promised her support.


It was at this moment Sarah Palin reached out for me to help her up, and as I was assisting her to stand, I was now face-to-face with her, and God said, “Open up your mouth and I will fill it.
”

Here is what came out:

“God wants you to know that you are a present-day Esther!”

[She immediately began to cry!]

“God wants to tell you that you are chosen for such a time as this!”

“You are called, and chosen to be a leader.
”

“Don't lose heart and don't fear man.
”

“The news and naysayers and criticizers are going to be very hateful toward you … and in the days ahead they are going to turn up the heat … but do not fear.
”

“You are a present-day Esther.” You are an Esther.
You are an Esther!

“Keep your eyes on God and know that He has chosen you to reign!”

“Stay strong ... be strong ... don't tire. Don't be weary in well-doing. Be strong.
”

Her husband, Todd, came over, and I told him what I told her. He began to cry.


I emphasized the fact that he was to guard her at this time … and know that “she is God-called and God-anointed.
”

“This is a God-thing and your wife is a present-day Esther ... she is for God to use at this time ... she is an Esther ... she is an Esther ... she is an Esther.
”

“You will be hated … but stand strong … God has called both of you to stand!”

“We are praying and I am praying for you!”

At this moment, McCain came right to where I was finishing talking to Todd, and I told Mr. McCain exactly what I told to Sarah and Todd Palin.


“Mr. McCain … they are called of God and she is an Esther.
”

“Don't lose hope and don't lose heart.
”

“We are praying for all of you!”

He shook my hand and with a deep look of understanding what I had just said, he said, “Thank you for your prayers and support ... I really do mean that!”

And he turned and shook more hands … and I watched them as they went through the crowd.


When I got to my car I sat there for quite a long time … knowing the God of the universe had just used me to deliver a message confirming to Sarah and Todd to realize they are truly chosen vessels of God.


I wept. I have not stopped praying and crying.
My heart is full knowing they had to have all the staging and all the hype and all the crowd … but the God of heaven and earth … wanted to give them a divine God-appointment!

To God be all the glory and honor.


If anyone wants to know if I believe God can speak.
Yes … absolutely, is my answer!

Be praying for me … and let me know what you think about all of this.


Pastor Mark Arnold

Am I making him a prodigal?

I just got home from dress rehearsal... and on the way home I was listening to Focus on the Family. They had a speaker who was talking about prodigals. But it wasn't the usual story - it was a challenge to those of us who have judged someone into becoming a prodigal. Without the criticism most likely they would have never left...

He went on to speak to parents: Watch out that we are not missing out on the good things that our kids are doing because all we can see is the bad. Yes, they are trying your last nerve with some of their actions or what they chose to wear ... but the other day when they showed kindness to the stranger? - that was the behavior that Jesus is looking for. He is not having committee meetings about someones clothes or their style of worship.

Another note to parents. Drop the guilt. Stop worrying about how others are judging your parenting. After all - we have the perfect Father with a book full of examples of His children turning away from Him.

Bottom line: He told 2 stories of people that he met in his life - that although they were very conservative in their own behavior, their heart knew no boundaries on who to love. They did not compromise on their beliefs but it did not stop them from loving someone... boldly, physically, plainly.... looking past the sagging pants or the hair - and just giving them a hug.

So, now I have to question myself and my own actions... have I been too critical? Have I shown him just how much I love him? Just how wonderful I think he is? How talented and gifted he is? How much greatness I see in him?? What a blessing he has been to my life?

Probably not... all I have been able to see is that hat...

Today was a good day...

WooHoo!! It's a good day... Mom is home... and Christopher starts his first job tomorrow morning. It's a part time temporary job.. but it's a start. We have been talking about the AirForce to him and he says that it sounds interesting... but who knows what's really going on in that kids head.

I'm teaching in Beginners Church tomorrow... Paul in Silas in jail. This is one of the reasons I love to teach... because I learn (or at least am reminded) right along with the kids. I'm sure you know the story -- Paul in Silas thrown in jail for telling others about Jesus... they begin to praise Him even in what seems to the lowest of lows for them.... they begin to praise Him. They were now free from the house of bondage... And the best part - God was able to use their freed spirits to save a man and his family.

Yep - it's a good day indeed...

Taking Jesus to Backyards everywhere!

Our 5 Day Clubs have come to an end... here's some pics and video of the great time we had this week!!

5 Day Clubs

We have been blessed to have been put in contact with a group from Oregon who are doing 5 Day Clubs. These kids are really great... Our leader was telling me about one of the girls - who joined this group without knowing one person. She decided that she wanted to do something for Jesus so she gave up her summer and stepped out into the unknown - and has been blessed beyond measure. I love that that is how our amazing God works...

We had 10 kids the first night and 8 last night. Two of the boys took all the flyers and said they will be handing them out today at summer school!!! I won't be able to be with them tonight (play practice) but I look forward to hearing about another great turnout!!

I really wish I could show you pictures of the kids playing the games or singing the silly songs... but I still can't find the extra battery or battery charger for my camera... :-(

EDIT: Tuesday: 10 boys tonight and 1 little girl who was having nothing to do with those boys.... but 2 of the boys were saved tonight!!! WOOHOO!!!

I FINISHED!!!

Yay!! I finished the entire Stepping Up study.... even going back and doing the ones I had missed. Wow what an incredible study it has been...

We are asked on the last day of study what our fear is now that this journey comes to an end... mine? - That I will eat the seeds and not sow them - or allow them to be sowed into my furrowed back.

I so want to believe the prosperity preachers that say that God will give you everything you ask for. But diving into this study I am reminded that that is not true. God's giving is conditional.

That takes some people by surprise and they say, "How can that be? God is giving by nature... if He loves us then He wants to give us good things and make us happy."

Well, that is true - BUT... again it is all conditional.

"Wait. I thought we were not saved by our deeds but by grace. You're saying that we have to work for his love?"

Oh no... don't get me wrong - we are loved unconditionally... and are in fact saved by grace.... but His blessing - that is conditional.

"Oh jeez... so how many hours of service do I have to give? What do I have to sacrifice to be blessed?"

What we have to give is so small that it could never be called a sacrifice. But hours? He doesn't ask for hours - he asks for a lifetime.

"What could we possibly possess that could be of any value to the Creator of Heaven and earth?"

Your right... that seems impossible. But it's really simple actually - all He asks us for is our praise.

""Dynamic power is given to those who sincerely acknowledge God's power. God generously shares resources of omnipotence with devoted followers so that abundant life may be theirs.""

Dynamic power? Resources of omnipotence?? I have a hard time getting my feeble mind around what that would look like - but sure sounds like something I want. But you see - both of those statements have a catch - sincerely acknowledge God's power and become a devoted follower. Too often we forget our part and just stand there like a greedy child with our hands out - expecting something from Him while offering nothing in return.

So what is my part? Sincerely acknowledge... be a devoted follower. I'm afraid that is harder than it sounds.... But I have also learned that when we step towards Him - He runs to us ... He is waiting to help us... I know me. I know that I don't have it all together and will often stumble. But I know my God, my Abba Father, the Alpha and Omega, the Creator of Heaven and Earth, the Lover of my Soul, the Great I Am - is waiting to pick me up - and carry me if He has to - to see the work He has started in me to completion. "To bless God is to acknowledge gratefully what He is; but to bless men, God must make of him what he is not and give him what he has not."

"The more we learn about God, the more we understand the primary reason He asks us to surrender everything to Him is to make room to receive what He wants to give. Try as we may, we will never bring anything to God and leave empty handed - unless we forget to take His gifts home."

My blessing for you:
May you see, feel and know how truly and deeply loved you are - not only by others - but by your God, the Maker of Heaven and Earth. Trust in Him and He will be faithful to save you. Praise Him and you will be blessed. May God keep your heart set on pilgrimage until we reach our final destination - Home with Him for eternity.

Lessons I'm Learning

Catching up on my weekly Bible study. Man I love Beth Moore. She is able to put things in a way that is so understandable. Thank you Lord for blessing her with that gift.

Several things really stood out to me on this weeks study.

Psalm 131: Referring to ourselves as a weaned child. Weaning back in that time usually happened around age 3. So a child of this age was able to walk on their own... taking steps into a direction they choose... but was also one who would return to the safety of their parent when it was time for rest. God's goal is not children scared into silence but those who trust their parent even with unanswered questions. Psalm 131 reminds us that the word of God is not primarily for seminaries, dissertations, and theological treatments. They are primarily for everyday living on the third rock from the sun. Her conclusion: Scripture is not for how you do church - it is for how you do life.

Lord, I am not you or like you. I am not great nor can I perform miracles. Instead I am like a young child beginning to make my way and taking my own steps but always returning to you for safety and love. I am at peace in your arms.

Psalm 132: David messed up big time. He relied on his own understanding instead of seeking God's divine wisdom. And he (well, his friend) paid for it. Suddenly God didn't "behave" like David thought He should. God did something that seemed out of character. Even terrifying. But through this and the decision that David made following this - David learned a big lesson. Obedience pays off. David then decided that he will not always understand God or his behavior - but he does not want to be apart from Him. David sought after God and asked Him to reside with him. David then learned that God cannot abide near you without blessing you.

Dear Lord, remember me and all of my suffering. I desire for you to dwell here - in my house - in my heart. I can not rest until you do. Allow this place to be a place that you rest and pour out your blessings but also a place where you show your strength. Let us do what is right. Let us sing for joy.

I pray that these are not lessons I have to learn the hard way.... that I can be smart enough to read the scripture and learn from the mistakes of the past.... and not destined to repeat them.

Anything you have learned lately that you would like to share?

Habits Don't Form Overnight

I wrote about this once before - back on May 1st. = I think we have a conclusion...

Jake has been having Night Terrors for the last 2 months. He has been waking up in the middle of the night - eyes wide open but not awake - screaming at the top of his lungs about snakes, bugs or other creepy crawlers all over him and his bed. He has no fear during the day - remembers very little of what happened the night before and goes to bed the next night with no problems. But night after night, there is something attacking him.

I finally told Pastor John about the Night Terrors on Sunday. He prayed for Jake a very short and simple prayer that God would take these fears away. That night when going to bed, John said to Jake, "Good night buddy, I hope you don't have any bad dreams tonight."

Jake replied, "I won't. Pastor John prayed for me." Ahhhh ... the faith of a child. If we could all be like that. He went to bed with no fear that night - in fact he kinda strided off to bed with confidence - and had his first full night of sleep in over 2 months. And... he had another last night. Yes - praise be to God.

I have been questioning God lately... about these terrors... about how my mom could be sick and in the hospital on Christopher's graduation day... Questioning His timing...

And then on Sunday - we were singing "He Reigns"

Our God
Is an awesome God
He reigns from heaven above
With wisdom, power and love
Our God is an awesome God
Our God is an awesome God

When I hit that word - wisdom... He reigns with wisdom.... I had to hang my head and ask for forgiveness. How could I possibly question Him - the Creator of Heaven and Earth? How could I possibly question His wisdom???

And in His infinite wisdom... I believe I have been able to see just why these night terrors have been happening. First I must say that I have researched the night terrors - and although they are horrific for the parents - the children rarely have any recollection of what happened and have no lasting effects.

But what it has done has create a prayer life for Jake. It has given Jake a reason to seek Him nightly... to draw Jake closer to Him... to cause Jake to want to call out to Him. Because God knows that habits don't form over night - they take time.. this has established a pattern for Jake of nightly prayer.... and not just because mom says he should... but a relationship all his own.... If that is His reason for the night terrors - then I am eternally grateful.

Who Can Be Against Me?

I have a busy week ahead so I decided that I better get my homework done while I had the chance. So - I finished ... well, probably not early - but I'm not doing it all on Wednesday right before our meeting time ... so early to me.

And wow - day 5. Maybe this will be a spoiler to some - so don't finish reading until you are done if you think so....

Paraphrasing greatly:

"Regardless of how long we've been Christian and how deeply we've studied God's Word, most of us don't really believe down in the marrow of our bones that God is entirely, wholeheartedly, and unwaveringly on our side. We are secretly convinced that although He had high hopes for His creation - we have proved to be a terrible disappointment but because he is faithful to His covenant, He is obligated to put up with us."

Yep - I've thought that... like now - God we are faithful tithers, why are we having money problems??

Throughout the study we were asked to reflect on the many times that we know would not have worked out had God NOT been on our side.

There are so many... I am blown away. Let's begin with the life that I was living back in Texas... let's just say - "I was looking for love in all the wrong places." So many dangerous situations that I put myself into - that I know HE got me out of. There is no other way that I could have afforded to move here - had it not been for God stepping in and having the company I was going to work for pay for my entire trip. My marriage seemed destined for failure - but now I have a marriage that fairy tales were written about. And then there is my son Christopher.... not only did Satan try to take him away spiritually - but then physically... and within months of each other. God not only turned a lawyer against his own client but baffled a team of doctors!

"Christ will never take us into a battle we can not win. We would have to choose defeat against our new nature. He gazes beneath our sin into the brokenness that causes us to devalue ourselves so thoroughly. He is the ultimate Prince Charming to every woman, especially the one who forgot she was Cinderella."

And then we were asked to rewrite Romans 8:28-39 as personal statements from God to us - as I Will statements.

Here's mine:

My child Cassandra,
I will make sure all things work together for your good.
I will give you all things.
I will make you like my Son.
I will glorify you.
I will give you full victory.
I will never leave you.
Love, God


So now as I battle the fear of my dear son growing up and leaving.... I have to remind myself: That He is His God too - and if He is on his side, then who can be against him?

Ask God One Question?

I recently received a flyer in the mail from a local church. They are starting a new study - where they have asked the locals this question:

If you could ask God one question - what would it be?

Well, they are then taking those questions and answering them one by one...

But it got me to thinking - One Question ... hmmm... wow - there are so many... if I had to pick one - what would it be???

I guess the one that I want to know is about my dad. My dad died when Christopher was 9 months old... I don't *think* my dad was saved... but I don't know - I never asked. I know my grandmother was... but have no idea about my dad.... have a strong feeling that no he was not (and frankly the outcome of that is not one I really like thinking about) ... but I would like to know - where is my dad?

The questions that were on the flyer were very basic questions like:
Why do bad things happen to good people?
What happens when I die?
Will my family recognize me in heaven?
Why is there evil in the world?

SO - if you could ask God one question - what would it be???

Ain't Love Grand?

I just answered the 18 love question bulletin in My Space ... only because Shanna said I had to. :-) One question was what song do you want played at your wedding. So that prompted me to get out the CD of the song that I walked down the aisle to... "I've Dreamed of You" by Barbara Streisand. I sat here, played the song and big giant tears welled up and poured down my face. I so love that man..... and I am trying so hard to get to a place that I feel safe to show him that again. I remember how we were.... I couldn't keep my hands off of him. I couldn't stop looking at him .... I couldn't stop smiling. I want so badly to be there again... before it all went bad. Before the enemy came in and stole it all away. And now I stiffen when he holds me...

But my Jesus has promised me that no matter what - His Love will sustain me. And maybe I needed to go through all of that - just so I would know what real love is. A love that is far better than anything I can find on this earth. A love that reaches down to my very soul and fills me up.

But, I still want to be able to show John that I still love him... and it's not a love like it was in the beginning..... it's more - it's deeper... it's better... and I want to show him.......

Last night in our study, the leader on the DVD said that Jesus will bring up our past hurts on purpose... but He will do it in a safe enviornment so that He can come in and rescue us. That happens sometimes daily to me. One day I WILL be past this fear of rejection.

On a much better note: His rescue yesterday -- Tara came to my office at the church and said, "Let's go to lunch!" I knew something was up but was pleased to go. She has been so busy with the opening of the house and I enjoy being able to talk with her. She is an amazing woman and I learn so much from her. So, while we were talking small talk I still felt something was up. The enemy kept telling me that she was letting me go... and I was believing it. But God had a better plan. Tara said that in her morning prayers He told her that I shouldn't be doing the books for Community's Child... but instead I need to be doing something that I liked. And then Tara offered me the position of Event's Coordinator! All events (except for the major fundraisers) will be coordinated by me!

Wow... never saw that coming... but what an awesome feeling of acceptance and appreciation!!

Yep... His love is so grand!!!