I should know better by now...

than to get into a conversation with my mom about my parenting.

The first time - I actually asked the question, "Mom, do you think I am a good parent?" And after she "ummed" for a few moments, she began to tell me that "No, I believe that Jake could be kept cleaner. His fingernails usually need to be cut and they are always dirty."

That was it - that was how she summed up my parenting. Jake's fingernails.

Well, the other day she was commenting on my niece (the one that stays at the bar all hours of the day and night) .. and her parenting. She said of her, "well - I can say one thing, she always keeps her children clean."

So, under my breath, I said - "I guess that makes her a better parent than me." I knew that it shouldn't have been said out loud... but it was... I couldn't take it back no matter how hard I tried. She asked me what I said, and I said nothing - but she had heard it... got mad and got out of the car.

Today she came over and asked me, "Is there something bothering you in your life?"

My reply - "well, isn't there something bothering most people in their life? Is there something specific you are referring to?"

So, then she brought up yesterday's conversation and as a Christian how could I not be happy that someone has something nice said about someone else? I thought, "so, now I am a bad mom and a bad Christian"...I was smart enough not to say that one out loud.

I answered "yes, I said that but it's because you said to me that I am a bad parent because I don't keep my kids clean enough."

She didn't deny that conversation but said that she did not say that I was a bad parent... I told her that "yes, in fact, she did." More denial...

I then told her that she is very critical of me and nothing I ever do is good enough... she left.

Whenever my mom comes to my house she has to make sure that she inspects each and every room... she makes up some excuse as to why she has to be in my bedroom standing there looking around. She goes through the kids drawers to make sure they are neat and orderly... she counts my husbands clothes to make sure they are all there (and not left in his truck like he has a habit of doing)... she looks in my refrigerator and freezer to see if I have too much food (yes you read right - it drives her crazy if my freezer is full)...she will open my washer and dryer to see if I have clothes left in there... my sister has even caught her going through my trash to look for receipts so she can see what we buy....She is inspecting my home and summing up my job as a wife and a mother....

If she finds anything she doesn't like - she takes it upon herself to fix it. I have come home with everything in my freezer or fridge lined up on my kitchen counter ... so that she can check all the dates and then I can put it all back in correctly...

And I guess the worst part of it all is that she has done this even before she has said hello to anyone! I beg her - please come over to VISIT... spend time with Jake.. talk to Christopher... Don't clean my house!!! I'm not talking about in a time of crisis or when I am sick - lending a hand and helping me out... I'm talking just any 'ol random day she feels that she can and has to take upon herself MY house...

I guess it seems that I am talking about 2 different issues here - but it really sums up into one... She thinks that I am not capable of doing anything on my own.... whatever it is that I do do - it's not good enough.

I'm pretty sure that is why I strive so hard to prove to the world just the opposite .... well, I don't know where I'm going anymore other than just to vent.... but at least you know now why I am so neurotic at times....