But I haven't been doing it...

I was just talking to someone the other night about being open and sharing our life with each other... after all - we call ourselves a family... and yet - so many people are guarded about what they tell. I figure either 1 - people can't pray for me if they don't know what's going on or 2 - if it's in the past, they can't know how God worked it out if I don't tell them; either way God is glorified.

And then I realized that I haven't done what I said we should do. So, here's what's been going on with me:

I'm in pain. Lots and lots of it. I think I feel badly for sharing it because the pain that I feel is nothing compared to what my mom and my sister are feeling. And mine has been going on for a fraction of the time of theirs... so I guess I feel like a wimp for mentioning it.

But it's real... and it's getting out of control. I can handle a lot ... and I think I have a pretty high tolerance for pain ... but I'm not sure how much more I can take.

I don't really want to "blame" this on the incident - but it does seem to correlate in timing - that ever since then, my TMJ pain has been astronomical.... I went to the doctor yesterday for what I thought was a sinus infection because my face has been hurting... he says he thinks I have been taking too many decongestants and am banned from them for life. That the decongestants have caused what appears to be a sinus infection to me - but he sees no infection. So, only thing he can suggest is Flonase nose spray - forever. The problem for me is that the "sinus not infection" triggers the TMJ ... and then they trigger my shoulders to tighten... and then it all together causes a migrane. It hurts all day - but night time is worse.

On top of that, my back hurts. I have lower back pain... constantly. And it ususally is shooting down my legs.... I see a chiropractor on a semi regular basis - well, I go when I can't stand it anymore. If I sit too long - I have a hard time standing up.... and then until it all works out - I walk all stooped over. I tell John - if this is me at 40...

Yesterday at the doc, I asked him what he thinks I should do about the TMJ... he said he could perscribe Xanax... but I told him that I already take pain pills at night... and I really want to be able to stop taking them.... before that turns into a problem all on it's own.

The phantom pain in my right side is still there.... what is this 4 years now? No doctor could ever figure it out... so I gave up trying.

I did ask for a pain shot yesterday at the doctors and he was happy to oblige. Toradol - the wonder drug... so last night, that was me pain free.

sigh.... But something that is worrying me more... is Jake. He has been having nightmares. EVERY NITE. I pray, I have denounced demons out of his room... not sure what else to do. The dreams lately have been about snakes - it was bugs, now it's snakes. He sees them and feels them on him... and even when he is "awake" - he swears they are in the bed. So, he is back to sleeping with us. I don't mind if it allows him to get some rest... but even with us, he still has the nightmares.

Well, today is my day to go to Biola and be the parent helper in Christopher's classes. I enjoy being able to go and spend the time with him... and watch him with his friends. It's such a great group of kids there... there is such a freedom among them - to just be themselves. You don't feel that there are any clicks (cliques?) ... every one talks to everyone... it's really refreshing. And before I get all melancholy about my son about to graduate and me not having any more time to be a part of his life like I am now....

I need to get ready for the day....