My jaw hurts....

Well, it's probably a good thing that I didn't blog when I thought I was going to... I was filled with lots of emotion and it probably would have spewed out like a bunch of garbage.

I am also aware enough of my body that most of this is probably hormonal - but sometimes I have to wonder if that is part of the plan to get us to deal with things that are otherwise stuffed.

I'm not sure that I could ever take the blog a day challenge... it usually takes several days for thoughts to formulate into something comprehendable. But several thoughts that I have been having just won't go away ... so maybe if I write about them - they will at least quite down. I'm still not sure if they will make any sense - but here goes.

I've been thinking a lot lately about assumptions. It was funny that last weeks video even talked about how we all make assumptions about others. Sometimes, it is based on an event... one lone event. And sometimes not... like in the video the other night: One woman said that she never calls her friend because she always assumes that her friend is too busy - and the other woman said, The truth is, No - I'm just sitting there wondering why no one ever calls me.

I'm sure you've heard of the old saying about assumptions. When you assume, you make and ASS out of U and ME. Well, I guess if people want to do that to themselves - that's fine. But it really hurts when you are the ME part of the equation. And when we assume something about someone else - we tend to assume the worst and never the best.

What is worse is that people tend to hold onto their assumptions - like they were fact and then have no problem telling others of this new fact they have about so and so. So, the assumption spreads and more people believe it to be fact. And not only do they spread it around - they hold onto it no matter how much evidence you have to the contrary. And this goes on and on until you feel that no matter what you do - it will never be good enough.....

Now, I am not saying that I am above all of this - or have never done this. Oh I'm sure that I have. And if anyone is reading this that I have done that to - I am sorry, truely and deeply sorry. But what I am saying is that since I am aware of just how difficult it is to undo what others think of you... not only am I trying to not do this ever again ... but am contemplating just how much damage has been done to the perception of my children's character.... (I say perception because I don't know that anyone really knows their character) and if there will ever be anything I can or they can do to undo it. Because at this point it seems that no matter what they do right - it's tainted by what they once did wrong.

Sometimes ... most of the time lately... I just want to pick them up and run. Move them far away... to a large piece of land where I can protect them from the hurt and pain of life that is often dished out by the people we trust. A place where I can teach them about the magnitude of God - and how He shows us that in the beauty of His creations.

The emotions are returning.... so let me switch gears.

I have also been thinking lately a lot about high school - maybe because life in general has been feeling a lot like that. And how it felt to be there... not being one of the popular ones (probably because of the assumptions they made about me)... sometimes, I was given the chance to be in the inner circle - but only if I was with this one girl who really knew me and liked me anyway. But, never quite measuring up to be invited all on my own... I remember one other time I was invited into the inner circle and thought I was gaining friends.... but it turned out that when I finished changing their flat tire - they acted like they never knew me. And then there was another time that I got invited to a party - only to find out that it was because they wanted me to paint the pep rally posters while they all stood around. I hated high school.

How can something that happened so long ago .. so very long ago... still feel like it happened yesterday? I feel stupid for the big fat tears that are rolling down my face. But I can't help it... they won't stop.

I guess the bottom line to all of this is: we (that includes me) need to be more careful with other people's feelings.

Because the other old saying, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never harm me." - is the biggest lie from the pit of hell. I would rather take a physical beating ... any day.