The Self Feeder

I was talking to someone the other day and he reminded me that it is not anyone else's job to grow me up in God's Word. It is mine and mine alone. I had some quite time alone today so... I thought I would make good use of it. A dear friend of mine gave me this workbook some time ago. It's called the Self Feeder. One of the pastors at her church put it together. It has a plan to get through the New Testament, Psalms and Proverbs in a year. Yes I know there are lots of plans and I have tried some but most are just too much. I feel that I am trying to cram in so much information that I miss what God is trying to tell me. This plan takes it one small bite at a time. But it's not just about the reading plan. There are journal pages with the same questions for every day's reading.

What is the Key Verse for you in the reading.
Write out the verse.
What does it mean to me?
What is the breakthrough thought?
How can I apply it to my life?
What do I need to tell God today?

I opened up the plan today's reading list. For today, Oct 9th - it was Psalm 44-45. At first I was thinking - wow how things change from one minute to the next. Psalm 44 is talking about how they are wondering where God is and then in Psalm 45 they are talking about welcoming the bride.
But then Psalm 45:10, 11b jumped out at me. "Listen, O daughter. Consider and incline you ear; forget your people also, and your father's house... because He is your Lord worship him.

Hmmm.... interesting....

So, what does this mean to me? It's not about the place of worship but it's WHO I worship.
What is the breakthrough thought? Not sure.... is God trying to tell me to move on?
How can I apply it to my life? Worship Him where ever I am.
What do I need to tell God today? Dear Lord, I want to be where You are and want to be doing what You want me to be doing.

He cares...

I wrote briefly about this on Facebook ... and I haven't blogged in forever... so I thought maybe I could expand here....

Waaaaayyyy back in 1983 (yes, some of you weren't even born yet) I was in high school. I was in the drama club - we were called Thespians. On stage was really the only place I ever felt I "belonged". Until one day....

We were holding auditions for "Oklahoma"... I wanted a part in this musical so bad... but knew that singing wasn't something that I was particularly good at. Someone told me that I could maybe get the part of the grandmother since she had a rough voice - so I thought I would give it a shot. The bad part was - the director wanted everyone to try out for two parts. So, the other song I learned was for the lead. I practiced and practiced... and very nervously I got up on stage for my turn. I knew there was no way I would ever get the lead ... but that is the song he wanted me to start with. So, the music started - I started singing... and then I saw his face. It was terrible. I was terrible. I stopped - told the sound guy to stop the music and walked off stage. The director said "thanks" and I knew that thanks wasn't for auditioning but for stopping the audition.

I love to sing... always have. And to make things worse - my mother has the most beautifully natural and gifted singing voice that I have ever heard. But she also has the lowest self confidence and biggest set of stage fright ever - so won't sing in public (if people are focused on her) ... put a mic in front of her and forget it! Sooooo many people have told her throughout her life that she is wasting the gift that she was given... and soooo many times I have wished that I could have just a piece of that gift because I (in case you didn't know) am not afraid to be in front of people.

Well, I got the job of stage manager for that musical and all future musicals... And life happened and I gave up the dream of ever being able to sing on stage.

Fast forward many years later and I find myself in church. Sunday after Sunday singing my heart out to my Lord that has saved me from soooo many things... and little by little - do my ears deceive me or does it sound like my voice is getting better? I know that we hear ourselves much differently than others hear us... but I would often do the little cup thing over my ear and listen - could it be???

Now, please don't think I am vain or think that "I'm all that"... I know there is no way I could ever sing a solo... but it dawned on me - He knew... He remembered... I was reminded again about just how much He cares... He truly cares about the desires of our heart.

So, when Pastor James asked me if I would be interested in helping with kids worship - I said YES! - even though I knew that meant possible humiliation.... and seeing that same look on the faces of many people that I saw on the face of my director so many years ago. But, I love worship, I love the kids, and so want the kids to feel the joy of true worship... and I needed to test this out...

The big day came... and even though I was singing along to a video and had many voices singing along with me... I asked a few people that I thought would tell me the truth. OK..."Be honest - how was it?" I was hoping that people didn't think that I was fishing for compliments (and that is NOT the reason for this blog) but I needed to see... was it just wishful thinking??? Or was my voice really not that bad? I really hope that those who I asked were honest with me... of course, the enemy wants to tell me they weren't and and are all presently laughing about me behind my back.

But, I have more faith than that in my God.... I do believe that when we honestly seek after Him... He will give us the desires of our heart. (Psalm 37:4) The Amplified Bible adds in that He will give you the desires and secret petitions of your heart. But like how the New Century Version begins the verse - Enjoy serving the Lord, and He will....

Dear Lord, it is nothing but joy in serving You..... I thank you again for always being faithful. This desire wasn't provided according to my timetable - but Yours. And I thank You for that as well. You knew exactly when I would best appreciate it and would know it was from You.

GOD IS FAITHFUL!

Well, as most of you probably know - we have been wanting to move into a larger place to live. We have been looking for a few months.... a few maybes but nothing has panned out.

We looked at another home on Saturday evening. A 3 bedroom, 2 bath, 2 car garage... nice size living room, dining room, kitchen, inside laundry... private back yard. I got there first and ended up talking to the owner for about an hour before John arrived. Our conversation somehow became about how amazing God is. We both agreed and had many testimonies to share with each other about His continued faithfulness.

John arrived, we liked the house - and it all of a sudden became clear that the owner was offering the house to us - with out us even filling out an application. In fact, she didn't even know our last name! Then, I asked how much the deposit is. I was expecting, to hear 2 times the rent as I had heard on so many others. No, she wanted, 2 times the rent PLUS $1000 deposit. Oh yikes... that's $4800! John never worries about money and said no problem. I on the other hand - worried.

This morning, I worried some more and thought it best that I be honest with her. So, I called her and told her that we just couldn't possibly come up with that much money. I'm so sorry but we will have to decline. She said that she would take the $1900 for the last month, $950 for the first month since we won't be getting the keys til the 15th and only $500 deposit. What? That's $1500 off ?!?!!?!? Oh wow... um... OK?

Well, John and I have been saving up money for this but thought that it might be inevitable that we take out the money I have in an old 401K/IRA account. We knew that there would be huge penalties and taxes but that is the only place we knew we could come up with more cash fast. I really didn't want to lose 1/2 of that to taxes... hmmmm.... We have the $1900 saved, don't have to pay the $950 til the 15th... where to find $500 right now?

Then, I remembered that I had 2 paychecks that I had not cashed that were a little over $100 each... so now where to find the other $250? "Something" told me - check the mail... and as God has done for me so many times in the past - there it was, a check for $260...

Man, is God good or what?

So, the next question is - who's ready to help us move?????